Monday, July 18, 2011

Surprisingly Okay

I am surprised at just how okay I feel! Sure, there are moments when I cry or feel lonely for a bit, but overall I am really, truly okay.

Church today would have been just a little too much, so I skipped it. The thought of spending 3 hours as a sniveling ball of snot was unbearable. I know emotion would have got me and I would have cried. And then felt stupid and cried even more. And had red eyes, running mascara, and a blotchy badly plugged up nose... and a massive headache! Why are we women so darned ugly when we cry?

Part of my angst is maybe not so apparent. I still don't know what to do with myself. I have been a 24/7 caregiver for a long time and barely been outside of the house in 5 months. I know there's a whole world out there to be rediscovered and as much as part of me is excited about that, part of me is terrified. I'm still struggling to imagine what I'm going to do and how I'm going to redefine myself.

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