Sunday, July 24, 2011

More on Friendliness vs. Friendship

"I believe that Hell must be a confinement of our own contrivance, laid brick by brick, until, by our own cowardice and compromise, we have isolated ourselves from all love. And from all that is lovely." -Richard Paul Evans

I've always heard that Hell is a do it yourself project. I believe Heaven is, also. Whatever comes after is something shaped by our own choices and actions on a daily basis, a place of our own creation... the very individual spot we will be most comfortable because of who we have shaped our own self to be. I think we will each find many surprises in the after life as, perhaps, things we've held as supremely important here we find really aren't that big of a deal.

One of the most hellish things I can imagine is isolation. How do I know this? By experience. Choice and circumstance have from time to time left me very isolated. And in those times I am my most unhappy. For all that they sometimes frustrate and disappoint, I have learned that for me to be truly happy I need people around me. And very often I find that a challenge.

A day or two ago, my friend, Paul Haggerty, posted this as his facebook status: "It is easy to confuse genuine friendliness with friendship. In the spirit of kindness you can spend uplifting time with another. Unless there are feelings of a true emotional closeness this is meaningless though. People are treasure that is priceless. Can you become a true friend to someone of countless worth without searching a long time for them? Mere friendliness is short lived. Friendship is a pilgrimage."

And I think it is a good description for me. Too often I have confused friendliness with friendship... both in giving and receiving.

This is something I want to work on changing about and for myself. Friendliness is superficial and fleeting and, in the end, isolating. Friendship is deep and lasting and spans distance. I need less friendlies and more real friends.

1 comment:

Kellie said...

This is very insightful. I know that I am more the friendly than the friend. I have a lot of friendlies in my life, but no true friends outside of family. I guess I need to work on my own self.