A couple of days ago, I was stretched out across my bed reading scriptures. I was working through a challenge to complete the Book of Mormon before the year ends, in particular. Now... I've read these verses thousands of times before but on that day different phrases caught my attention and spoke as if they were written just for me.
Mosiah 27:28 says (emphasis mine): "Nevertheless, AFTER WADING THROUGH MUCH TRIBULATION, repenting nigh unto death, the Lord in mercy hath seen fit to snatch me out of an everlasting burning, and I am born of God."
Mosiah 29:20 says (again, emphasis mine): "But behold, he did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power IN ALL CASES among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him."
|Photo courtesy of Dairy Carrie.|
One of my tribulations is knees with arthritis that suddenly and severely advanced... more in 6 months than the previous 6 years combined... and has now caused a curvature in my spine because I had no money and no insurance and therefore no way to see a doctor for treatment. I also had some issues with my thyroid replacement drugs and a slow descent into a horrifyingly bad clinical depression triggered by the medical stuff and what was going on in my relationship with Derek. I found out about several instances where he'd lied to me and made promises he had no intention of keeping, some big things and some little. I found out that he'd had an affair (I suspect more than one) with another woman. He abused my finances to the tune of $30,000 in credit card debt including opening new accounts in my name and a host of other offenses. I learned that I was never a priority in his life - at best I ranked somewhere below marijuana, snacks, video games, cigarettes, one of the dogs and his mother. He called me "worthless" and "lazy" and a "non-contributor to the relationship." When our problems first started I told myself it was a temporary stress over his job situation (he's not been able to hold on to a job our entire relationship) and that we'd find a way to work it out if for no other reason than commitment. Sadly, we weren't equally committed. His ran out just about the same time my money did. Coincidence? I doubt it.
Now I'm trying to wade out of the poo pit instead of allowing myself to dwell in bitterness over it all. I guess that equates to the scriptural phrase above of "repenting nigh unto death" and hoping that God will deliver me out of this bondage... hoping mine is numbered among ALL cases in His sight.
And I think it just might be.
This past week I found out that I have a "Presumptive Approval" for disability and will be receiving up to 6 months of SSI payments while they finish collecting data and doing whatever all the official steps are that must be completed. It's not a lot of money but it will keep the lights on and the boys fed. It also gives me access to Medicaid and with that the ability to do something about the pain in my knees and back. The same day I received the letter informing me of this, I received a packet from a former employer and have a small window of opportunity take a distribution from their pension plan. That hasn't been an option before. I know there are tax ramifications but in my case, I think it's worth it. This will enable me to get a basic transportation kind of car come mid-January and possibly begin to address the debt situation. That's some big stumbling blocks toward recovering my life knocked down to a more manageable size!! There are a few more things that still need to fall into place and I am beyond excited to tell you about them when they do.
So... See? My story is going to have a happy ending!!