That Year End Wrap Up Post

2016 started out hopeful... kind of went straight to hell from there but ended on a decent note.  I gained many experiences.  I'm going to trust that the ones I didn't enjoy and don't see the reason for are truly needful in some plan bigger than me.

So just what did I do?

I started saying "YES" to the adventures that presented themselves.  I went out and explored myself instead of waiting for a human companion.  I took more pictures because this world is an icredibly beautiful place.  I talked to strangers and listened to their stories of how life led them from where they were to where they are now.  I healed my soul a bit more and got a little closer to actually being me again.

I experienced some firsts. Even at my age there are lots of first times left!

• visited 13 states - AL, SC, VA, MD, WV, and PA for the first time
• tasted hominy, sauerkraut, bok choy, fish sauce and persimmon
• tried some new combinations of food - kidney beans and potatoes fried together, turnips cooked with beef, potatoes, onion, celery and carrots in a pressure cooker (I'd always eaten them raw from my Dad's garden before), a Pennsylvania Dutch dish called Slippery Pot Pie, and Vinegar Cake
• lived without running water or electricity for 3 months in a semi-remote mountain setting
• showered at a truck stop (I didn't even know you could before this experience!)
• drove a box (moving) truck
• had to ask for a jump when I ran my car battery out
• gave a jump to a stranger who was stranded alongside the road having done the same
• made blueberry jam (never lived where a bush grew in the yard before and I'm too cheap to buy them!)
• got the car stuck, and luckily unstuck, in the mud a few times
• learned to clip the dog's nails by myself

I also did some things again that I hadn't for a long long time...

• bathed in a creek
• pooped in an outhouse
• shot a pistol
• observed wildlife up close - mostly deer, wild turkey and a variety of other birds
• blogged a bit more regularly (at least toward the end of the year)
• picked enough wild blackberries and black raspberries to make jam
• experienced a Ward/Stake split/reorganization at Church
• took a course where I struggled hard to learn the material (thinking I will go out of  my way to avoid using it forever more - it was that hateful!)
• read the Book of Mormon
• forgave someone who was very hard to forgive

And I even did one thing that I'd sworn never again... moved to a place where winters are cold and snowy.

I've marveled repeatedly at just how adaptable, accepting, and forgiving my dogs are... troopers through thick and thin. They amaze and inspire me daily to try harder and do better and grow up to have their attitude about just taking life as it comes.

I failed friends.  Circumstances changed suddenly and I didn't/couldn't do what I promised and I'm still scrambling to get that set right. And friends failed me. Different ones in different ways. It hurts but I still love them and want them in my life so I'll get over it.

I've been scared. And sad, And lonely at times. I've had people worry about me. And I've wondered myself if I'm ever going to get me put back together and rebuild an entire life and future.

I've also felt peace and love and hope and connection.

And, again, declared the coming year to be THE YEAR OF ME!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Last year my birthday was miserable.  Definitely the worst birthday ever and probably one of the top 10 worst days of my life.  The whole year actually is something I'd just as soon forget ever happened, but the birthday - it sure did start the year off on a sour note.  On January 13, 2014 I was forced to sell my beautiful dark blue Jeep Grand Cherokee to CarMax for 1/3 less than I'd paid for it at the end of 2012 to cover a couple months of household bills and get out of paying the taxes that were due.  All of my adult life one of the two cars I ever truly wanted was a Jeep Grand Cherokee.  I had it and it was taken away from me.  And all I could do was paste on a fake smile, nod like a bobblehead and go about the day telling the people around me that everything was ok when I was far from ok.

But this year, 2015, is different.  And, while it's just a few days early to match the precise anniversary of my entry into this world, I got to replace that crappy memory with a good one!  I got myself a car.  It's an older Ford Explorer with reasonably low miles on it considering the age.  The body looks good, the engine checked out as mechanically sound and it's had a recent tune-up, new battery, a fresh oil change and has 4 brand new tires.  It also has some fun features like remote start up, a kickin' custom sound system and sunroof. It's not the vehicle I really want, but that will come with time.  And this one will certainly do what I need it do:  get me and 3 big dogs from where we are now to where we need to go.  Check off one of my big goals for the year!

Happy Birthday to me!!

My "new to me" Ford Explorer

Looking at her head on!

What I'm looking at driving her.

What you'll see if you're behind me...

Back row comfortably seats 3, 4 if they're skinny folk.

Cargo space (aka where you'll find the boys hanging out).
The back seats fold down to give them even more room.

Adventure Ahead

Every now and then I find myself repeating an apology for a prolonged absence... I must not be all that penitent because I keep doing it so I'm going to skip the I'm sorry part and just let you know that I spent a lot of the last month finding me and reconnecting my psyche with passions that had been put aside.  You know those things that probably contributed a big share in losing touch with myself and having that major crash...

Being away from blogging was actually a very good thing for me.  And I invite you to rejoice in that!  I'm more ready than ever to put the nightmare of the past couple of years behind me and move on to a bright and wonderful future.

The first thing I'm doing is adjusting my attitude.  With all the health problems, financial problems, relationship problems, even more serious relationship problems, still even more serious relationship problems, questioning everything I knew about life, love, God, the world... yeah, living has felt like an ordeal at times.

I'm letting loose of the relationship woes.  I did what was in my power to make things work and to seek forgiveness and reconciliation for my wrongs.  That's all I can do.  So I'm just letting it go.  I'm giving up on the apology that's definitely owed me but I know will never come.  My next chapter starts now.  And it's all about adventure!

I'm taking care of me first.  For the longest time I couldn't even think of things that I used to be interested in or would see as fun.  A couple of weeks ago, though, I had a breakthrough.  I pulled out a quilt top I'd started years ago and got too busy so it was set aside and never finished.  Somehow it made it on the truck for my move and in a few weeks it will be all finished.  There was even enough spare fabric folded up with it to make some throw pillows.  My plan is to put these on my future couch.  I also pulled out the sketch book and noticed that I used to do some pretty awesome sketches.  I've been saving inspiration pictures to pick that hobby up again and studying artists whose style I like.  I've also done some research into what kind of colored pencils I need to get so that I'll be able to do some intricately shaded florals.  A few other long lost loves I'm planning to reconnect with is the Farmer's Market for Saturday breakfast and a little shopping, adding to my collection of antique silver spoons (and finishing out the big set of Columbia silverware), expanding my culinary skills by trying new foods and cooking methods and gardening.

Yes, I know I say every year that I want to garden in the coming spring and I haven't managed to make it happen for about 5 years now.  Whether I end up staying in this very house where I have plenty of room to do it right or have to start over again on my own and have flower pots on a balcony, I swear by Heaven's Most Almighty Powers 2015 will see me have a garden!

I'm going back on the job market.  Despite being chewed up and spit out like yesterday's bubble gum, I know I have skills.  And someone out there is going to have the intelligence to recognize that and get one heck of deal when they make me an employee.

I'm going back on the social market, too.  I moved to Georgia with the promise and expectation of being pulled into a big, happy, close-knit family.  I had the promise and expectation of being introduced to their business contacts and friends.   Both were over promised and vastly under delivered...  I found myself financially taken advantage of, stranded, lonely, isolated, far from anyone I knew and feeling very much like I didn't quite fit in.  No more!  I've started to develop my own unique social network.  I've met the neighbors.  I've found a wonderful group of like-minded folks in my church congregation.  I've already planned out a couple of evening classes for next year and a respectable list of events and places to visit where I'll no doubt meet other people with at least that specific interest in common.

I have real, honest, achievable goals.  They are all written out in detail, broken down into smaller steps and the work has begun.  I hope you'll stick around for the ride... it's going to be a heck of a show!!

The Science of Happy

Today in Relief Society we were talking about happiness.  I love that I am part of such a practical Church!  Much of our discussion was based on this 2006 Conference address by Jeffrey R. Holland called Broken Things to Mend.

I especially love the image he describes here of our walk with the Savior and how He can heal our brokenness if we will let Him:  "It seems clear that the essence of our duty and the fundamental requirement of our mortal life is captured in these brief phrases [refers to times He said "Follow me."] from any number of scenes in the Savior’s mortal ministry. He is saying to us, “Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going,” He says, “we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness,” He promises. “I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.”"

We also talked a little about the science of being happy... and yes, there really is a scientific background to it.  Much of our feelings of happiness stem from what's going on in the frontal lobe of the brain.  If you can imagine looking at an MRI image of the brain.  When a person is depressed one side of the frontal lobe is lit up with activity.  When he or she is happy the other side is lit because substances like serotonin and norepinephrine are plentiful and active.  The trick is to keep the activity primarily on the happy side.  Some of that is chemistry and that's why there are so many prescription drugs available to assist.  But there's also much we can do for ourselves.

A researcher named Hank Smith developed a list of 10 things that supremely happy people do.  Since that was our handout, I'm going to share his list.

1. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people.  Joy is contagious.  People are four times more likely to be happy in the future with happy people around them.
2. Happy people try to be happy.  When happy people don't feel happy, the cultivate a happy thought and smile about it.
3. Happy people spend money more on others than they spend on themselves.  Givers experience what scientists call the "helper's high."
4. Happy people have deep in-person conversations.  Sitting down to talk about what makes a person tick is a good practice for feeling good about life.
5. Happy people use laughter as medicine.  A good old-fashioned chuckle releases lots of good neurotransmitters.  A study showed that children, on average, laugh 300 times a day versus adults who laugh 15 times a day.
6. Happy people use the power of music.  Researchers found that music can match the anxiety-reducing effects of massage therapy.
7. Happy people exercise and eat a healthful diet.  Eating a poor diet can contribute to depression,
8. Happy people take the time to unplug and go outside.  Uninterrupted screen time brings on depression and anxiety.
9. Happy people get enough sleep.  When people run low on sleep, they are prone to feel a lack of clarity, bad moods, and poor judgement.
10. Happy people are spiritual.

I think at my core I am a happy person.  I've just taken a detour on this adventure called life and I'm struggling a bit to get back on my path.  Mr. Smith's list is a good starting point... some good things to keep in my conscious thought and build better habits.

2015: The Year of ME

Does it seem a little early for the New Year's Resolution/goal setting blog posts to begin?  Yeah, probably.  Guess, I'm just a little out of sync...

I posted this a day or so ago on Facebook, both to my own page and the blog page, as my personal theme for 2015.  Then I started thinking about how it might be taken as a threat and added a little extra explanation.

Photo credit to  https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheMotivatedType

In the coming year, I am going to continue to tell my story.  There are people who may not like how they are portrayed.  I'm still going to tell my story... MY story.  And if anyone is worried about their part in it then maybe they should have treated me better when they had the chance.  I'm not going to lie just so they can feel good about themselves or skip over events that are very formative to who I want to become.  A lot of horrible things happened in 2013 and 2014 and I learned so much.  While some of it is completely unexpected, I feel like God is going to use it somehow.  Really curious about how... But if telling it can help even one other person, then my story needs to be told.

Photo credit to the blog at FreePeople.com

The explanation I added talked a little about the New Beginnings program held each year for the Young Women in my Church where girls turning 12 are introduced to the program and the goals and achievements of the teens already participating are showcased. Impressive goals achieved in addition to school, extracurricular activities and often a part-time job. (You can satisfy your curiosity and learn more HERE.)  And that's what I want to do. Use the idea of New Beginnings to set some big goals and focus on fixing what's broken in me... trusting that every ending is followed by a new beginning.

Epic endings deserve equally epic beginnings.  And with that said 2015 is going to be the year I rebuild me!

In order of importance, but not likely achievement, here's what I want next year to look like:

• I have a date set to get me back to the Temple.
• I have my own home that is clean, safe and comfortable.
• Food in the cupboard has replaced worry about the next meal.
• I have a way to support myself.
• I have a reliable vehicle.
• My debts are being appropriately addressed.
• I have access to quality medical and dental care.
• My dogs are healthy and happy and have food and adequate veterinary care.
• I'm able to pay back, pay forward and offer meaningful service as was offered me in my need.
• I'm gardening and crafting and collecting antique silver again.
• I'm drawing and writing and making cooking an adventure again.
• I'm entertaining in my home and going places to meet new people again.
• I'm involved in my community.

Photo credit: Rose Hill Design Studio on Etsy

It goes back to my deep need for stability and security.  I'm not a person that thrives on the edge... Adventures are wonderful as long as there is a safe haven to come home to afterward.  I've come to realize just how much I need that to feel like I can relax and be happy.  It's doing the simple things in life that I know to be right.  Right for me.

And who better to do that for me than ME?

Kick the Bucket

No, this isn't some pronouncement about my impending death even though 'kick the bucket' is a common euphemism for that.  I have no plans on departing this existence anytime soon!  I was going more for an attention getting play on words to talk about these so-called Bucket Lists that everyone seems to have these days... did it work?  Or was I funny only in my own mind?

Do you have a Bucket List?

I never did until about a year ago.  Someone told me my imagination needed to be bigger so I thought I'd test out just how big I can dream and write a Bucket List of my own.  It's been a really difficult task for me!!  A 'Bucket List' is that list of 100 things you want to do, see, and accomplish before you die.  I've struggled with creating one and have well under 100 things listed STILL.  And since I did manage to accomplish a few of mine in the past year it kind of makes it feel like time to find more dreams to add to the list again and see if my imagination is growing.

None of these seem like the kind of change-the-world things I imagine other people doing, but here's some of what's currently on my bucket list:

• Write and successfully publish a novel.
• Write, illustrate and successfully publish a cookbook.
• Get a passport.
• Have some reasons to use it!
• Learn to use a handgun and get my permit.
• Learn to use the other 3 items in that 4-piece power tool set.
• Own 5 or more rental homes.
• Go white water rafting.
• Go snorkeling.
• Go to NYC for Christmas.
• Own a thriving coffee shop/market with reheat and eat at home foods.
• Earn a Master Gardener designation.
• Learn to fly fish.
• Go to New Orleans.
• Switch some electric appliances to solar-panel-on-the-roof powered.
• Own a totally tricked-out and restored classic car - something red and convertible!

There's more, but I'm also trying to find a 'filter' and not share EVERY thought that crosses my mind.

What are some things you've got on your Bucket List?

101 Words to Express Good

When I finally watched The Secret for the first time a few nights ago, I was really struck by the part where the presenter said, "there are really only two emotions."  Based on their graphic and my imagination and tools this is how I visualize that statement.

What you feel is a reflection of what is in the process of becoming.  The better you feel, the more you are in alignment with your goals.  I recognize, big secret or no, that using positive words and feeling good about myself and my life have been a struggle lately and I was needing an easy way to shift my thoughts back into the good realm on days when things don't go my way.  So I've decided to consciously try to infuse my thoughts and speaking with good words.

101 words I can use to express GOOD:

love

appreciation

hope

happiness

joy

belonging

affection

allegiance

cherished

friendship

respect

worship

enjoyment

devotion

relish

rapture

gratitude

recognition

achievement

ambition

aspiration

inspiration

bouyancy

confidence

desire

optimism

faith

security

blessedness

cheer

contentment

delight

exhileration

exuberance

felicity

pleasure

prosperity

good humor

peace of mind

vivacity

bliss

charm

comfort

exhultation

gladness

glee

liveliness

refreshed

satisfaction

elation

treat

acceptance

affinity

inclusion

kinship

loyalty

rapport

equanimity

ease

serenity

enchantment

jollity

mirth

fun

light heartedness

abundance

accomplishment

benefit

growth

increase

success

thriving

wealth

approval

cooperation

calm

composed

patient

poise

harmony

relationship

togetherness

simpatico

relaxed

gratification

tranquility

ample

plenty

plethora

profusion

bountiful

generous

inexhaustable

kind

warmth

progress

embolden

influence

excitement

adore

live

Wow!  Don't you feel good just reading that list?

2013: Full Of Promise

2012 was quite an adventure!

I laughed.  I cried.  I laughed so hard that I cried sometimes.  I did good things and treated people well.  I also did unkind things and treated people less than respectfully.  Sometimes I expressed gratitude when I was treated well and sometimes I didn't.  I apologized when my behavior called for it... except for the times when I didn't.  I prayed for things that did not come to pass and received more blessings than I could ever hope to deserve.  New beginnings found me and paths that I can no longer follow came to an end.  I learned more than I would have ever imagined and I’m sure I forgot a lot too.  Friendships ended and that love was lost.  Friendships were formed and new love was found.  When my family and friends lost family and friends I wept with them.  When my family and friends found more family and friends I rejoiced with them.  I've been allowed to live to see another day with the people and things that I love most.  I traveled.  I climbed a mountain.  I walked in the desert.  I swam in the sea.  I hiked through a pine forest.  I gazed into a tropical (and surprisingly cold) pool.  I came to call a new place home.  The college football team I root for has changed from the Utes to the Bulldogs.  I've endured sleepless nights filled with doubt and worry.  I've slept like a baby feeling secure and loved.  I failed often but I accomplished so much more than in any previous year.

All in all, it's going to be a hard year to top!  But I have high hopes for 2013!!

Photo credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/23673975@N07/5322472090/

I was thinking about how I'd sum up my past year and what I want the new one to look like a couple of days ago when I read this blog post, Drops of Awesome from Daring Young Mom.  She really got me thinking about how we humans discount the good and focus on beating ourselves up over the screw ups.  Even those of us who think we are optimists, the cup is half full team, spend a lot of time plotting and planning how to fix our flaws and do better.  Why is it so hard to celebrate when and what we do right and say 'in this moment I am a good _______ (fill in the blank:  parent, friend, spouse, etc.)?'  Why is it easier to hear the negative voice inside our own head and believe the bad stuff it says?  And maybe more importantly, what do we need to do differently to hear the good stuff?

To quote Kathryn Thompson, author of the Daring Young Mom blog:

As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.

Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.

I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!

I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!

I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!

I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!

All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!

When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.

Drops of Awesome is going to be my personal theme for 2013.  I have some huge goals to achieve and exciting adventures planned and I'm going to enjoy them!  I'm going to enjoy the journey getting there, too!!

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for this life and another new year to explore it!

A Very Very Very Fine House

For the next few months I'm living with my in-laws-to-be... and, while I appreciate the time to get squared away and on my feet again, it's quite the challenge to eat my pride and give up my independence and own way of doing things.  I'm not saying that how they do things is bad just that it's different than how I have done it in the past.  And that can be physically and emotionally uncomfortable at times.  Living in someone else's home means you adopt their standards and schedule even when they are vastly different than how you've become accustomed to caring for yourself.  It's a big adjustment no matter how positive a spin you try to put on it.

One example on my mind the past few days is toilet paper.  That's one thing I've never been terribly brand conscious about and only looked to get something 2-ply and substantial enough to do it's job.  Imagine my surprise at a long discussion on 'lint' or those little fibers that low quality TP leaves behind on your oh so delicate lady parts.  I'm not offering up any arguments whether or not Charmin Ultra Soft is the most lint free, I'm just going along with the idea that it is (for now, anyway) the toilet paper that must be purchased.  And doing my best to make sure that there's always a spare roll - my priority, not my future family's - in the bathroom because having to drip dry is just simply not OK.  And within the last couple of days I've been caught in just that horrifying scenario in 3 different bathrooms...

If you're imagining a little grimace of disdain here, you're not too far off my actual reaction.  Except that the grimace was not little.  And it was accompanied by several off-color words spoken, mostly, under my breath.  Mostly.

At the same time I recognize that in the grand scheme of life these adjustments are pretty minor.  I'm safe.  I'm happy.  I have beautiful accommodations and lots of support while I get myself oriented to a new place and back to a self-sufficient point in life.  Those are wonderful blessings and I am thankful beyond words for them.

And nature has been awe inspiring.  The natural beauty of the area is much different than either Idaho or Utah, but it is so very beautiful!  As one friend said when thumbing through some photographs of the area around Kennesaw, "If you can't live in Idaho, that looks like a good substitute!"

And it is!

A winding road through the area as photographed through our car window one afternoon last week. There are individual houses or the entrances to subdivisions/neighborhoods all along the road. The trees serve to provide a little buffer between people and traffic.

Kennesaw Mountain.  Friends had cautioned me not to make fun of the mountains here... because comparatively they are tiny, unlike the soaring 6,000+ foot granite peaks surrounding the Salt Lake Valley... but so far I'm enjoying the rolling terrain and finding the hills challenge enough for my screwed up knees to walk.

On the grounds at Kennesaw Mountain Battlefield, a National Park and the site where a Civil War battle was fought.

Another Return & Report Update

For the past week, my tasks were:

1. Details and agreements to sell/lease house completed.
2. 30 minutes of exercise each day.
3. Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.
4. Decide garage sale days, begin advertising it and finish getting stuff packaged up and ready to sell
5. Research pricing for furniture to be sold and place ads on KSL.com and craigslist.com.
6. Work on the big pre-move goal.
7. Unclog the bath tub drain.

Task 1 is on track.  The details and agreements are ready to move forward with the lease-to-sell option as the folks who want to buy my house got a sad/sick appraisal on theirs.  I'm looking a huge loss but I still have equity.  They're upside down.  This real estate market is all around painful right now.

Task 2 went a little better this week.  I think I still missed a couple of days getting the full 30 minutes in but between going up and down the stairs getting stuff packed and ready for a garage sale this coming weekend and getting out to walk every day and doing some stretches specifically to help with flexibility I'm getting the time in most days.  I'm feeling pretty pleased about this, but I want to keep it on my weekly list for awhile longer so it becomes a solid habit.

Task 3 is another tough one.  Life circumstances left me with too much idle time to play around online and it became a hard habit to break!  I may have got the 8 hours in, but barely.  This one needs to stay on the list indefinitely!!

Task 4 is done.  The garage sale is going to be Friday and Saturday, September 21 and 22.  I'll have quite a bit of stuff ready to go out but (shudder) may have to have another in a few weeks to get rid of straggler items.  I advertised in my Ward's RS Newsletter and will be placing ads on KSL,com, craigslist.com and Facebook as well as making posterboard signs to place around the neighborhood on Thursday morning.

Task 5 is a rough one...  Pricing, generally, should be about 1/3 of what you paid (can you say financial rape?) but people here in Utah are so tight they could back up to a wall and suck a brick out.  The brown sectional and coordinating area rug upstairs, for example, cost me around $3,400.  I've been asking $1,100 and get treated like crap for it.  No one wants to pay more than $100 for anything.  I wish I could just donate it for the tax write off and be done and not have to deal with rude, horrible people!

Task 6 is more personal than I want to share on the internet, but it's coming along right on track.

Task 7 is done.  After major plungering, the bath tub drain is unclogged.  That kind of stuff happens now and then in an old house.

Other things I accomplished this week, in addition to the above, include:

• Went to the first goodbye lunch with Marcy and Brantz.
• Finalized which mover to use.  The truck will be here on Oct 25.
• Got my flight to Atlanta booked for Oct 31.  Hehehe... does Derek get a trick or a treat?
• We made the plans for our first big adventure together - a 10 day Caribbean Cruise leaving Nov 2.

My 7 'must accomplish' tasks for the coming week are:

1.  30 minutes of exercise each day.
2.  Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.
3.  Hold the garage sale on Sept 21 and 22.
4.  Research consignment arrangements to sell furniture.
5.  Make significant progress on the private big pre-move goal.
6.  Start the liquidation process on all remaining assets so there's cash to cover car purchase, Oct mortgage and moving related expenses.
7.  Make a list of what I need to pack for the cruise so I can hold it out separately.

And though I've given up expecting anyone to follow up with me that reinforcement would still be helpful and welcome!

One Day That Defines Us

Every generation has it's day.  The day that lives on forever in our collective memory.  The day we will always know exactly where we were and what we were doing when an event unfolded that changed each of us.  Changed our perception, attitude, outlook and often our very way of life.

For our parents (and some grandparents) that day is December 7, 1942 - the day that will live in infamy - when Japan attacked the United States at Pearl Harbor and brought World War II to America in a very much more personal way.  I remember my parents stopping, even 50 years later, to reflect on what had happened that day and to recall friends and family who died on ships just off the Hawaiian coast.  And it's right to remember.

As awful as the event was, so many good things happened as a consequence.  Young adults of that era went on to be the innovators with the dead-on hard working ethics that drove America to newfound prosperity.  They become known as 'the greatest generation' because they earned that title by sacrifice and doing things that had never been done before.  They set the stage for the accomplishments we enjoy today and we owe them a debt of gratitude so huge that it can never be repaid.  With so many of them now passed on it's right and good for us to pick up their torch, to remember and to mark this solemn day even if it is not part of our own memories.

My generation, so called baby-boomers and younger, have a different defining day.  For us September 11, 2001 is when our world changed.  That's when we can each recall with near perfect clarity where we were and what we were doing when news broke that terrorists had flown planes into the World Trade Center in New York City and the Pentagon in Washington DC and if not for the heroic acts of passengers onboard another hijacked flight, the White House.  Agents of hate brought their war to our own soil.  For many of us, it was the first time we really tasted the fear and horror of war.  And still today, those emotions are raw and so near the surface.

Events were happening as I was getting up and ready for work.  It was a day like every other at the bank when I walked into the office early that morning.  Then almost immediately I was called over to the reception area where a television usually played market news and a continual stock ticker tape.  As I walked up to the desk to see why everyone was huddled there I saw the second plane crashing into WTC. There was a moment of utter disbelief and denial and hope that it was some kind of hideous accident but it soon became clear that the planes had been flown into the towers purposefully as an act of war.  It was stunningly chilling to realize that America was now in a war at home.

Some of my next thoughts were for the members of my work team who were in training meetings in Boise.  They should still be at breakfast... Did they know?  What did this mean for them personally and as far as continuing on with the training?  In the end, their flights home were cancelled.  They rented a car and drove back to Salt Lake a day or two later.  Luckily everyone I knew, and their families and close friends, had escaped being touched directly by this event.  No one close to me had been killed or injured in the initial attacks or when the towers fell.

Yet, emotionally and mentally we were dazed and confused and angry and hurt.  And some combination of thousands of other emotions ran through our minds.  But there was no physical connection.

Or so I thought.

Yesterday, for the first time, I read this account of the day by my friend Mashell Jolley Anderson:  http://www.squidoo.com/911-changed-my-life-forever.  Mashell's husband worked at the Pentagon and was there when that plane was purposely crashed.  I bawled reading her account of the day.  I cried for the suffering and distress her family experienced and then I cried for a whole different reason.  Out of all this horror, Mashell has found something so positive that she can look back and call it a good day for her family. She learned lessons that we all need to know about what is truly important.  I encourage you to read her message, let its poignancy touch your heart and then make changes in your own life so that 9/11 is a good day for you, too.  I know I am.

And I know it is a day I will always remember.  Amid all the messages telling us to 'never forget' I think we sometimes lose sight of just why its good and right to remember.  The past can be an amazing catalyst for the future if we learn its lesson and do what is necessary.  So now it's up to us to make the consequence of these horrific actions something worthy of our collective memory.

Return & Report (and Revise)

Nobody commented on my post about some essential tasks I needed to complete or asked me about them during the week.  It would have been helpful if someone out there cared enough about me to keep me accountable and on track.  But you didn't.  I'm not going to allow myself to become my own worst enemy and let these details get past me and I'm not going to wallow in self-pity over the appearance that no one cares.

So, my 'friends' count this as your notice:  Either you walk with me or you'll watch me walk away.

How did I do with the 7 goals for 7 days?

1.  I did get the bulk of things packed up.  Planning to get to the post office Tuesday with them.  And there will be an additional padded envelope once I locate the last few items in the basement.  Gonna call it close enough. 

2.  In total, I got 8 resumes out there.  And one follow up.  Put a checkmark by that item on the list! 

3.  Got the mortgage payment made.  Woohoo for another check mark.  I like checking things off... 

4.  Some days I fell short and some days I got significantly more exercise.  I think it all balances out.  I'm going to keep this one on my list for more work but I'm rather pleased at how well I did do. 

5.  That big pre-move goal is well underway.  Thank goodness for those few people in life you know won't let you down. 

6.  The china cabinet is partially packed up.  I stopped working on this because I got the wild hare to see how much it would cost to have a full-service moving company move my stuff - and they pack it for liability purposes - rather than me doing it all and using PODS.  The initial estimates have the real movers coming in cheaper.   Pending the last 2 bids to be done early in the coming week, this task might just be outsourced.

7.  Off-line pursuits still took a backseat to on-line ones.  But I did get some time in doing enjoyable things away from the computer.  I'm also going to keep this one on my list for more work.

In addition, I managed to complete several other tasks that were equally important.  And that keeps them from appearing on future lists.  And that puts a happy smile on my face!

And my 7 goals for this coming week are:

1.  Details and agreements to sell/lease house completed.
2.  30 minutes of exercise each day.
3.  Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.
4.  Decide garage sale days, begin advertising it and finish getting stuff ready to sell
5.  Research pricing for furniture to be sold and place ads on KSL.com and craigslist.com.
6.  Work on the big pre-move goal.
7.  Unclog the bath tub drain.

7 Days 7 Goals

This could just as well say, "The difference between your LIFE this week and next is what you do for the next seven days to achieve your goals."  So hold me accountable someone because if I know it can slide I will let it slide and then I'll be unhappy because another week is gone and I'm no closer to the life I want.

1. Package of grandma's things in the mail to my cousin, Sandy.
2. At least 5 resume's placed for jobs in the Atlanta area.
3. September mortgage payment made.
4. 30 minutes of exercise each day.
5. Talk to Helen about helping with my major pre-move goal.
6. China cabinet contents packed.
7. Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.

Setting goals for 2012

Several years ago and feeling like I was having a not so fun mid-life crisis (yes, I'm an early bloomer!) I set out to fix whatever was causing my discontent.  In the process I happened to read a couple of very different books.  Actually I read so many books on the topic that for a few weeks I was pretty much the designated Queen of Self-Help.  But there were two in particular that had ideas that meshed so I could combine them into a method that works for me... Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss and Be Your Own Life Coach by Diane M. Scholten.

When I first started  working this out I decided on 8 key areas that define, for me, what a happy and balanced life looks like.  Then I wrote out short affirmations for each of them.  These really haven't changed much over the years.

Personal Development.  I am happy with the person I am becoming and where my life is going.
Friends & Family.  I have friends and extended family who I love and who love me.
Career & Money.  My work is satisfying and enables me to meet my current financial obligations, save for the future and obtain the things I really want.
Physical Environment.  My home is a sanctuary.  It is beautiful, comfortable and clean and I am proud to share it with others.
Spiritual Fulfillment.  I am assured my thoughts and actions are in accordance with God's plan for my life.
Romance.  My words, actions and thoughts show those around me that I love and value them.
Health & Fitness.  I am healthy and fit in all areas of my life.
Fun & Recreation.  I am open to expanding my comfort zone to include new people, places and things.

My next step is all about assessing balance.  It's a look at where I am going into a new year.  And yes, I'm a geek... I put it on Excel to make a graph so I could see how I was progressing year-over-year.  The graph is set up by assigning a point value between 1 and 10 to each area indicating my level of contentment.  1 means things are pretty darn crappy and 10 denotes that it just can't get any better.

This helps me visualize balance, or in some years the utter lack of it, and focus on what I most want to accomplish.  Once I have this frame work in front of me I jot down 4-7 things in each area that I think will help bring me happiness and better balance in the coming year.   For example, under Physical Environment for 2012 I have these items listed:

• Develop a thorough and workable cleaning plan and DO IT!
• Add some "cuteness" to the decor so my home feels more cozy and welcoming.
• Major project:  Patio (currently 1/2 done!) and yard/garden.
• Chimney caps on remaining open flues (because of the puddles on the basement floor).
• Finish Emergency Binder.

That gives me an outline to decide on the specific tasks that I need to do.  It also provides a checklist because I'm addicted to that feel-good rush from checking things off lists.

That's how I set goals.  I try to make a habit of looking at my list every day to keep me on track.  How do you do it?  What method works best for you?