That Year End Wrap Up Post

2016 started out hopeful... kind of went straight to hell from there but ended on a decent note.  I gained many experiences.  I'm going to trust that the ones I didn't enjoy and don't see the reason for are truly needful in some plan bigger than me.

So just what did I do?

I started saying "YES" to the adventures that presented themselves.  I went out and explored myself instead of waiting for a human companion.  I took more pictures because this world is an icredibly beautiful place.  I talked to strangers and listened to their stories of how life led them from where they were to where they are now.  I healed my soul a bit more and got a little closer to actually being me again.

I experienced some firsts. Even at my age there are lots of first times left!

• visited 13 states - AL, SC, VA, MD, WV, and PA for the first time
• tasted hominy, sauerkraut, bok choy, fish sauce and persimmon
• tried some new combinations of food - kidney beans and potatoes fried together, turnips cooked with beef, potatoes, onion, celery and carrots in a pressure cooker (I'd always eaten them raw from my Dad's garden before), a Pennsylvania Dutch dish called Slippery Pot Pie, and Vinegar Cake
• lived without running water or electricity for 3 months in a semi-remote mountain setting
• showered at a truck stop (I didn't even know you could before this experience!)
• drove a box (moving) truck
• had to ask for a jump when I ran my car battery out
• gave a jump to a stranger who was stranded alongside the road having done the same
• made blueberry jam (never lived where a bush grew in the yard before and I'm too cheap to buy them!)
• got the car stuck, and luckily unstuck, in the mud a few times
• learned to clip the dog's nails by myself

I also did some things again that I hadn't for a long long time...

• bathed in a creek
• pooped in an outhouse
• shot a pistol
• observed wildlife up close - mostly deer, wild turkey and a variety of other birds
• blogged a bit more regularly (at least toward the end of the year)
• picked enough wild blackberries and black raspberries to make jam
• experienced a Ward/Stake split/reorganization at Church
• took a course where I struggled hard to learn the material (thinking I will go out of  my way to avoid using it forever more - it was that hateful!)
• read the Book of Mormon
• forgave someone who was very hard to forgive

And I even did one thing that I'd sworn never again... moved to a place where winters are cold and snowy.

I've marveled repeatedly at just how adaptable, accepting, and forgiving my dogs are... troopers through thick and thin. They amaze and inspire me daily to try harder and do better and grow up to have their attitude about just taking life as it comes.

I failed friends.  Circumstances changed suddenly and I didn't/couldn't do what I promised and I'm still scrambling to get that set right. And friends failed me. Different ones in different ways. It hurts but I still love them and want them in my life so I'll get over it.

I've been scared. And sad, And lonely at times. I've had people worry about me. And I've wondered myself if I'm ever going to get me put back together and rebuild an entire life and future.

I've also felt peace and love and hope and connection.

And, again, declared the coming year to be THE YEAR OF ME!

Elizabeth

My next door neighbor, Elizabeth, was the first real friend I made after moving to Georgia.  It struck hard and almost unbelievable when she was diagnosed with cancer this past summer.  And then when treatment went poorly and she came home with hospice care, we all thought there would be a few months to visit and let her get things in order.  While her death is not a shock, that it happened now is very much a surprise.

I know that she was in pain.  And I'm happy that she's not suffering through the special kind of hell that lung diseases so often offer to those unfortunate enough to contract one.  She's in a better place, happy and whole and reunited with her loved ones that had gone before.  It's the people left behind that are sad and lonely and walking around a little lost without her presence.  Although... her funeral is going down as the most memorable one I've ever attended.

Ever!

Elizabeth and Danny, her husband, were never followers of any particular religious doctrine so as it became clear that planning this funeral was imminently needful, they asked the Chaplain from her hospice provider to lead a simple graveside service.  I'm guessing the format was Baptist with a few prayers, a few scripture selections and some short remarks about his impressions from visiting with her at the beginning of her time with hospice.

In north Georgia it's been raining for most of the past two weeks.  The red clay soil is completely saturated.  Crossing any low spots in the lawn are like walking on a soggy sponge.  And it's been raining all day today.  Mostly just an annoying drizzle, but with periods of what you'd have to call real rain.  What I'm trying to get across is the ground is wet.  And soft.  Very wet and very soft.

So picture this:  A smallish group of mourners huddled under a couple of those blue tents that funeral homes set up to protect people from the elements during those graveside moments.  The rolling countryside around the cemetery is lush and green.  The only background noise is the evening song of a few birds gathered in the nearby trees.  It's beautiful and peaceful and about as close to heaven as I can imagine.

The Chaplain is reading a passage from the beginning of Psalm 103...  He's half way through verse 4. (Please click the link and read that far before continuing on here.)  Almost on cue, one side of the grave collapses and the coffin slides partly off that scaffolding-like thing that holds it elevated over the vault and.. pit.

Almost like she's telling him "I ain't goin' yet, dammit!" it's headed right for the Chaplain.  His eyes were about as wide as saucers and there's a collective gasp of disbelief!  And the men from the grave digging company and from the funeral home leap in and are belly stretched over the astro-turf covered mound of dirt trying to keep it from sliding all the way off while the Chaplain concludes much more quickly than I think he'd planned.  And we are all sent to wait safely by the hearse while the workers got the grave walls reinforced and everything back in order before the coffin could be lowered.

Not something a grieving family needs, or wants, to see.  Terrible.  Stressful.  Surreal.  Those would all be good words for the moment.  But pretty soon the giggles set in... and we were all crying for a different reason!  Her daughter, Kari, finally choked out "I knew Momma would just have to get the last word in!!"

After that kind of ending, Elizabeth, who could ever forget you?

Rest in peace, my sweet friend... you were kind, generous, and funny in life.  And also in death!  I love you and I will miss you so very much!!

Elizabeth Karen Bryant Robinson

June 30, 1964 - October 1, 2015

At Kennestone Hospital shortly after being diagnosed with multiple
cancers in June 2015.  You didn't like that Kari snapped your picture... but I'm
sure glad she did!  This is how I'm going to remember you!!

Adventure Ahead

Every now and then I find myself repeating an apology for a prolonged absence... I must not be all that penitent because I keep doing it so I'm going to skip the I'm sorry part and just let you know that I spent a lot of the last month finding me and reconnecting my psyche with passions that had been put aside.  You know those things that probably contributed a big share in losing touch with myself and having that major crash...

Being away from blogging was actually a very good thing for me.  And I invite you to rejoice in that!  I'm more ready than ever to put the nightmare of the past couple of years behind me and move on to a bright and wonderful future.

The first thing I'm doing is adjusting my attitude.  With all the health problems, financial problems, relationship problems, even more serious relationship problems, still even more serious relationship problems, questioning everything I knew about life, love, God, the world... yeah, living has felt like an ordeal at times.

I'm letting loose of the relationship woes.  I did what was in my power to make things work and to seek forgiveness and reconciliation for my wrongs.  That's all I can do.  So I'm just letting it go.  I'm giving up on the apology that's definitely owed me but I know will never come.  My next chapter starts now.  And it's all about adventure!

I'm taking care of me first.  For the longest time I couldn't even think of things that I used to be interested in or would see as fun.  A couple of weeks ago, though, I had a breakthrough.  I pulled out a quilt top I'd started years ago and got too busy so it was set aside and never finished.  Somehow it made it on the truck for my move and in a few weeks it will be all finished.  There was even enough spare fabric folded up with it to make some throw pillows.  My plan is to put these on my future couch.  I also pulled out the sketch book and noticed that I used to do some pretty awesome sketches.  I've been saving inspiration pictures to pick that hobby up again and studying artists whose style I like.  I've also done some research into what kind of colored pencils I need to get so that I'll be able to do some intricately shaded florals.  A few other long lost loves I'm planning to reconnect with is the Farmer's Market for Saturday breakfast and a little shopping, adding to my collection of antique silver spoons (and finishing out the big set of Columbia silverware), expanding my culinary skills by trying new foods and cooking methods and gardening.

Yes, I know I say every year that I want to garden in the coming spring and I haven't managed to make it happen for about 5 years now.  Whether I end up staying in this very house where I have plenty of room to do it right or have to start over again on my own and have flower pots on a balcony, I swear by Heaven's Most Almighty Powers 2015 will see me have a garden!

I'm going back on the job market.  Despite being chewed up and spit out like yesterday's bubble gum, I know I have skills.  And someone out there is going to have the intelligence to recognize that and get one heck of deal when they make me an employee.

I'm going back on the social market, too.  I moved to Georgia with the promise and expectation of being pulled into a big, happy, close-knit family.  I had the promise and expectation of being introduced to their business contacts and friends.   Both were over promised and vastly under delivered...  I found myself financially taken advantage of, stranded, lonely, isolated, far from anyone I knew and feeling very much like I didn't quite fit in.  No more!  I've started to develop my own unique social network.  I've met the neighbors.  I've found a wonderful group of like-minded folks in my church congregation.  I've already planned out a couple of evening classes for next year and a respectable list of events and places to visit where I'll no doubt meet other people with at least that specific interest in common.

I have real, honest, achievable goals.  They are all written out in detail, broken down into smaller steps and the work has begun.  I hope you'll stick around for the ride... it's going to be a heck of a show!!

Even the Laundry

Photo credit: Womanhood with Purpose Facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/womanhoodwithpurpose/posts
/672428669502707

There's a Facebook group that I follow called A Farm Wife where the administrator posts each day something she calls "Celebrating the Daily Ordinary" where a little thing we may be taking for granted is called out with gratitude.  One day it might be indoor plumbing, or that we have vacuums (instead of having to tie straw to a stick to sweep out our kitchen) or readily available electricity coming into our homes to power lights, appliances and entertaining toys.  You know, the things it's easy to overlook because they are just part of the everyday ordinary stuff of life.

Laundry needs to be celebrated, too!  Did you know that taking care of the laundry is even something God asks of His people?  Take a look at Exodus 19:10-11.

"And the Lord said unto Moses, Go unto the people, and sanctify them to day and to morrow, and let them wash their clothes,

And be ready against the third day: for the third day the Lord will come down in the sight of all the people upon mount Sinai."

I think it's interesting that Moses was asked to tell the people to sanctify themselves (cleanse the inner man) AND to wash their clothes (cleanse the outer man as well) in preparation for meeting the Lord.  In Church, and sometimes just in life generally, we spend a lot of time talking about the status of the inner man and about how concerned God is with the condition of our heart... as in how well we loved and cared for our fellow man... but we shy away from discussions about taking care of ourselves feeling like that is being selfish and unGodly.

But... if you take a literal look at the Lord's words in Mark 12:29-30 when He was asked about the greatest of all the commandments, He says:

"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these."

Love thy neighbour AS THYSELF.

Part of loving yourself is taking care of your body, your home, your clothing... whatever your physical surroundings may be.  And God just told us that it's important to Him.  Very very important!

As a child I was taught a song to remind me not only about when to do them but that they were important details to take care of each week:

Saturday is a special day.

It's the day we get ready for Sunday:

We clean the house, and we shop at the store

So we won't have to work until Monday.

We brush our clothes and we shine our shoes

And we call it our get the work done day.

Then we trim our nails and we shampoo our hair

So we can be ready for Sunday.

(words and music by Rita Robinson, 1920-2011)

We always sang it 'wash our clothes' instead of brush them but the point is, we got things done during the week, and especially on Saturday, to be ready to spend Sunday - our Sabbath - with the Lord.  Isn't it wonderful to think about all our mundane daily tasks this way?  Doesn't it help to elevate them and give the things we do in the home a more proper importance?  We are doing them to prepare for our time communing with the Lord and being refreshed and re-energized by Him.

Something to think about... celebrate the ordinary daily things in life.  And do them, even the laundry, with enthusiasm!

What a Wonderful World

Thanks to Through a Country Momma's Eyes Facebook
page for the image.  Wish I could tell you the location...

I see trees of green... red roses, too.

I see 'em bloom for me and for you.

And I think to myself... what a wonderful world!

I see skies of blue... clouds of white,

Bright blessed days, dark sacred nights.

And I think to myself... what a wonderful world!

The colors of a rainbow so pretty in the sky

Are also on the faces of people going by.

I see friends shaking hands, saying "how do you do?"

What they're really saying is "I Love You!"

I see babies cry; I watch them grow.

They'll learn much more than I'll ever know.

And I think to myself... what a wonderful world!

Yes, I think to myself... what a wonderful world!

George David Weiss, George Douglas and Bob Thiele

(and most famously performed by Louis Armstrong)

I can't help but be reminded of a little story I read not too long back about 2 men who were sharing a hospital room.  The fellow nearest the window would tell the other man, who was much more gravely ill, about the beautiful sights outside to try to lift his spirits some.  And it worked.  He recovered from his sickness... but the man by the window did not.  The day came when he passed away and it was discovered that the window not only looked out at a blank wall but he was completely blind.  All of the beauty he'd been describing - the fluffy white clouds, bright blue sky, flower gardens, butterflies, and happy smiling people - came completely from his imagination and the beauty of his own soul reaching out to touch someone else.

I'm also reminded to count my blessings this sweet Sabbath day.  Among them today I cherish...

A man who loves me and tells me so often

Puppies who love me, too (even when I get grouchy)

That Derek works hard to take care of us and has plans and goals for the future

That I can take Tylenol in between Advil doses for my painful knees

The shade of blue gracing today's sky

Last night's brilliant sunset viewed through our trees

How clean and fresh yesterday's rain has left everything

Friends to love and be loved by

A lovely little home on a quiet tree-lined lane

The beautiful woods behind my house

How the squirrels and bunnies and turtles and song birds living there delight me

The subtle hints of fall in the air and cooler weather activities

How well the steam cleaner gets dog messes out of the carpet

The capability to work and think and speak and see

Freedom to live and worship as we see fit

That we can (and do) fly an American flag on the front of our house

I've been richly blessed, indeed!

This Thing Called Life

I’m doing it.

I’m doing it as best I can.

I'm doing it by rote some days.

I’m doing it in survival mode some days.

I’m doing it with all the patience and humor I can muster every day.

I’m doing it with an awful lot of impatience and frustration, too.

I’m doing it with tears and laughter and self-doubt and prayers and determination.

I’m doing it with yelling and slammed doors and some sharp words, as well.

I’m doing it with hope that tomorrow will be easier.

I’m doing it when that tomorrow is even more painful or difficult than any day before it.

I'm really trying to enjoy it, but oftentimes I just do it because I have no alternatives.

I'm doing it when there are moments of joy.

I’m doing it when it isn't enjoyable, too.

I’m doing it because no one else will.

I'm doing it for those times when I feel a sheer rush of exhilaration.

I’m doing it when it’s bone crushing hard work.

I'm doing it and trying to learn something new each day.

I’m doing it when the day’s events bore me to tears.

I’m doing it when it’s nothing but disappointments and failed plans.

I’m doing it even on days when the nicest thing I could say about it is nothing at all.

I hope someday I can be less critical of how I'm doing it.

This thing called life…