And We Have a Runner

The fence...

I told Derek weeks ago that we needed to continue that wire mesh across the open front porch railing so the dogs didn't have an escape route.  But he adamantly insisted our boys were too big to fit through those spaces between the 2X4s.  It was the whole they're 80 pounds and growing and too big and muscular across the chest spiel.

Took about 5 minutes for them to find it last night after we went back in and left them to run and play and explore their new yard more.  And another 40 minutes of searching before one innocently wandered up the driveway like nothing at all could possibly be wrong about him being on the outside of the fence.  The other hung around and came back inside when he was called like a good boy.

I was putting our escapee in through the carport door and Derek was letting the other one outside again from the walkout door in the basement.  They met in the middle and both made a hot trail right back to the escape hole and in through the still open carport door.  I called Derek to come over to the staircase and look at something... called him a couple of times actually (he was entranced by a computer game at the moment) and finally added a semi-frantic sounding 'hurry up!'

He was all flabbergasted and 'what the heck, guys?' when he saw them standing by me happily munching on kibble and slurping great mouthfuls of fresh water.  He came right up and took them out through the gate where we both watched them come through the porch rail again.  They fit just fine... don't even need to slow down or squeeze.

I just smiled sweetly.

Guess where we're headed now?

(Please note:  Home Depot did not pay for or endorse use of their logo.  This is not an advertisement for them... just an illustration for my story.)

Fence Install Day

After weeks of wanting this done so badly I felt like I was counting the minutes:  WE HAVE A FENCED YARD!!

Puppies may run at will with no lead to get tangled up and wrapped around their legs!  And yes, they love it!!  Their sloppy happy gushing wet kisses show me it's so...

First the installers and supplies arrive and they unload the truck.

The parts are laid out near where they'll be used.

Post holes are dug, posts are set and concreted into place.

Three rails are added to the structure.

The wire mesh backing is stapled into place and the gate is built.

The extra board is nailed in place so the wire
mesh is securely tied to each post.

The gate gets its hardware and the top is cut to shape.

Just like that we have a fenced yard!

(I say just like that... but it took two men working from about 8:30 this morning until close to 8:00 this evening to do all the work!)

The Dog Fight

Thunder has the stand up ears.  Lightning's stents broke skin and we
removed them so his ears flop.  The vet tells me this can be "fixed"
and so that's our plan as soon as money is available to do it!
This is their 6 month picture.

I've always thought that if you spent all the money to get papered dogs you should breed them.  And that's been our plan all along... when the boys mature, find someone with good quality females and let them make some babies.  But getting them through this teenage hormone rush to actually be mature dogs might just change my mind!  It's surely challenging my patience!!

Yesterday, from early afternoon until after midnight was a series of battles.  It ended with both dogs having bloody, though not serious, wounds and me sitting on the couch shaking from stress.

Rounds 1, 2 and 3 were the usual posturing for dominance, complete with bared teeth, snarls and gobs of slobber.  It's the part of their arguing that looks terrifying but rarely goes past the point of posturing.  I don't like that they do it, but I know what it is and how to deal with it.

Round 4 is where when it started going farther.  Thunder's nose got nicked and bled profusely.  There were blood spatters all over the basement floor and up the walls.  A little time, half a roll of paper towels and nearly a full bottle of peroxide later the crime scene motif was gone.

Rounds 5 and 6 were minor scuffles but Thunder's wound got reopened and bled more.  We have an old comforter tossed on the couch downstairs for times when the AC leaves us shivering.  It now looks like it might have once held a bloody corpse in its folds...

Round 7 was time for retribution, I guess.  Lightning ended up with a gash, probably a bite, on his lower front leg.  It looks to be just less than an inch long, fairly deep and ran a stream of blood for almost an hour.  He didn't want to put weight on it for awhile but seemed ok walking by the time we went to bed.

Round 8 found me spread eagled on my tummy over the ottoman with elbows locked and a dog collar in each hand to keep them separated.  That's where Derek found us when he got off work at 12:00 and rushed to answer my SOS call.

In between these fight rounds they are the best of friends.  They will sit and lick each other's wounds with the utmost of concern... the very wounds they just inflicted only moments before.  And run and play and eat from the same dish side by side.  Maybe they are perfectly normal boys?  I don't know.  But I find their behavior completely disconcerting.

While they're being playful and cute and lovey, I still think they'd make awfully cute babies.  And then in the next breath, while they're fighting, my mind screams... cut the nuts!  I don't know yet if we'll get them neutered right away or try to survive their unaltered adolescence awhile longer.

What I do know is that last night was difficult to endure!

Today I Saved A Life

Today I had the opportunity to visit the Fulton County Animal Shelter in Atlanta.  By most standards it would be considered a 'high kill' shelter as they are forced to play a shell game with limited space to keep animals, mostly dogs and cats.  There were nearly 150 dogs there today and in the hour or so I was inside and could observe, 4 more were brought in.  Much longer there and I would have been in tears thinking about all those sweet puppies being euthanized...  In those moments it wouldn't take much to turn me into the crazy eccentric that has 50 pets in the yard.

Photo courtesy of Fulton County Animal Shelter

The adoption fee for "Jerry," a Pit Bull (or possibly Pit/Mix of some sort) who will be renamed Tiger was just $20.  It was so low because this absolutely sweet, loving, bubbly-personality of wiggly, kissy puppydom has gone unclaimed and unadopted for more than a month.  He's got a stay of execution this long because his demeanor has made him a staff favorite and they kept voting him a reprieve hoping someone would come along and offer him the gift of a forever home.  Dogs that are older, frightened, sick, shy or aggressive don't get the extra chances.

By paying his adoption fee, I got to unite Tiger with his family today!

The adoption fee covers a general check up from their vet, all the shots needed to bring him current, treatment for any medical needs he might have, neutering and microchipping.  You also get a coupon for a free check up from a vet you choose from their list of a couple dozen in the area that participate in the adoption program.  Like I said, his fee was reduced to just $20 as a last ditch incentive to get him adopted.  Normally, for dogs who've not been there so long, the fee is $85.  And that's still a bargain for all that you get!

A little more about Tiger
He really does look like a Tiger!  He's 20X cuter than his picture...  And his whole butt wiggles when he wags his tail and curls into a snuggly little ball to lick your face in the softest puppy kisses I've ever felt.  You can almost hear him say "Kissing your cheek is like my favorite thing ever!"  And then he sees a tennis ball in the grass and is all about "A tennis ball!!!  Only like my favorite thing ever!"  Tiger greets everything with joyful enthusiasm.  He gets along well with any of the other dogs he's been penned or out in the play yard with.  I doubt given his age and history that he's had any training at all but he walks calmly on a leash already.

How has he gone so long without someone falling head over heals in love with him?

Tiger is going to make a wonderful pet!  And happily, he'll be well loved in his new home and spend many happy days romping in the yard chasing tennis balls... and maybe the occasional squirrel.

What I Saw at the Fulton County Animal Shelter
It was crowded, with as many as 6 dogs to a pen.  And noisy with lots of barking and many fans running full blast.  And so hot!  Most of the dog cages were, I'm guessing, 6 X 10 feet chain link enclosures in 4 long rows.  The first few pens in one row was gated off to allow for quarantine of  animals with that kind of need.  And there were some stacked crates (with towels in the bottom so they weren't on bare wire) for the very small dogs and cats.

I bet you're thinking it must have been stinky, too.  But it wasn't.  Everything, including the painted concrete floor, was very clean.  And it was well staffed by people who treated the dogs with great kindness and could speak with us knowledgeably about each of them.  Even the office staff where you step into another room to fill out the adoption paperwork and pay the fee knew the dogs by name and could speak intelligently about their special needs, temperaments, and any known history.

Other than the tugging on my heartstrings I would call the whole visit very positive.

And it made me decide that when we have old bedding and towels, I'm going to take them to the shelter rather than discarding or sending them to a thrift store.  And if we are ever throwing out working fans, that's who I'll think of first.  When we have money coming in more dependably, I may even purchase linens at garage sales just to donate and give these animals at least some small comfort in life.  It's such a little thing I can do and it will meet a very real need.  I would also encourage others both to donate and to go there when they are ready to add another set of furry paws to their family.

Pound puppies are awesome!

Life's Lessons

You know those 'Life Lessons' pictures and posts you see make the rounds on Facebook?  Sometimes thoughtful, sometimes amusing, often trite... they usually just annoy me.  So along that vein here are some things I've learned, so far, in my own life:

• Only your dog loves you unconditionally, accepts each day for what it is and is happy to eat exactly the same thing for every meal.
• Most people don't want to hear about your problems... that's when you nod like a bobble head and just move on.
• The people you expect it from the least are usually the ones who are there when you've failed and need help picking up the pieces.  And failing is part of life so just accept that it will happen to you now and then.
• Having relatives and being part of a family aren't the same thing - blood may be thicker but water surely tastes better!
• Money can help soothe misery but it can't buy you happiness.  Happy and 'not miserable' are not the same thing either.

• Please and thank you are truly magic words when spoken from the heart.
• Take the risk!  Stuff that scares the crap out of you usually isn't that big of a deal once you actually do it.
• The voices inside your own head are always your harshest critics.
• There will be times when you feel like you just can't catch a break and times when it seems like everything comes easy.  Remember the easy times when life is hard but even more, remember the hard times when life is easy!
• The men in your life will leave the toilet seat up.  It's no bigger a deal for you to put it down than it is for them to put it up every trip to the bathroom.
• Own up to your mistakes.  Being honest is a heck of a lot easier than keeping all the lies straight.
• Learn to pick your battles.  Quite often whatever someone has done to make you angry is very very far from the worst thing they could have chosen to do.
• Yell, scream and stomp your feet very very rarely.  It's only effective when it's a surprise!
  
• Practical help always trumps good wishes.
• Sometimes what you get is not what you give or deserve.  There's a reason 'karma' isn't referred to as an angel...
• Smiling is a great reaction no matter what the situation.  It may not solve the problem, but it doesn't make it any worse and you get to make people wonder what you've got up your sleeve!
• The little things in life are the important ones.  You take care of the details and the big picture will take care of itself.
• When you are totally distracted by what you want now, you'll lose out on what you want most.
• Learn to talk with anyone and appreciate their life story.  There's less difference between you and them, no matter who they are, than you think.
• Never think you've seen it all.  Life takes that as a challenge!

(All photos without attribution on Pinterest.)

How to Be a Good Human

Hidden away in a dark and often snarky corner toward the back of my brain, I keep a list.  Actually  I keep several of them there.  I’m going to tell you about one of them today… the one about human behaviors that just need to be ripped from the planet to make all of human-kind better.  My list comes from many places.  Some I’ve smirked about reading on Facebook and other blogs as people there complained about something unstellar someone had done in their presence.  Many I’ve witnessed myself.  Most, if you stop and think about it (which apparently a vast number of fellow inhabitants of the planet don’t) should be obvious rules for being a good human.

• Don’t spit your gum (or tobacco chew or a loogie) where everyone walks.  Why should be self-explanatory to anyone who has 2 brain cells that still rub together. 
• If you find something that doesn’t belong to you, turn it in.  It isn’t a gift.  The owner is probably looking for it.  Do unto others... and all that.
• When you are walking along in a big crowd, don’t fart just because no one else will know it’s you.
• Pajamas are not appropriate even for a Walmart run.  Go out in public looking and acting your best and give others a reason to be impressed with what you’ve made of yourself.
•  Be slow to judge.  My best might be radically different than your best due to circumstances I can’t control.  A little understanding will do more than all the condemnation that can be mutually dished out.
• When your dog takes a crap, clean it up ASAP.  Stepping in someone else’s dog’s pile of doodoo is far from a happy moment and even farther from anything that might even slightly resemble a flattering thought about the dog's owner.
• When you knock stuff off store shelves bend yourself over, pick it up and put it back where it belongs.  Most 2-year-olds have mastered this life skill.  Surely you haven't forgotten how?
• When a grown person smiles at your baby, it doesn’t mean they are a pedophile.  People like babies and, generally, people are nice.  Maybe you can show that you’re nice, too, and assume the positive?
• Take an occasional sniff at your pits.  If you can smell them, you can bet your last dollar so can everyone else!  And a bath is what's called for... dabbing some perfume on it only makes it smell worse.
• People go to dance clubs to dance, not be felt up by strangers. Keep your hands where you know they are welcome and don’t assume every girl (or guy) there wants you to rub her (or his) backside. 
• If you receive a gift, say thank you.  No words inspire future kindnesses better.  Seriously... magic words!
• People who are old, injured or ill need the seat so move your able body and give it up to them.  It's not just respectful; sometimes it's a matter of matter of health and safety.
• Just because it feels anonymous, don’t think you’ll get away with being a jerk on the internet.  Electronic Karma is a bitch, too!
• It's really appreciated when your kids publicly show that you've taught them good manners.  When they run wild, bang into our legs, break toys, throw tantrums and call you vile names in the checkout line, it's a terribly shocking and uncomfortable situation for the rest of us even if you can bring yourself to overlook it.
• On the flip side, don't you ever hit or curse at or otherwise abuse your child.  If I see it, odds are my good manners will slip as my fist meets your face in an attempt to lay you out like a rotting carcass on the streets of some battle-torn third-world city.
• When a person you've disagreed with proves themselves to be ok and not the satanic spawn of your over-active imagination, swallow your pride and tell them.  Your day, and theirs, will be better!
• Littering is not cool!  Don't toss your cigarette butts and other random trash on the sidewalk or into nearby bushes for someone else to come behind you and clean up.
• And this shouldn't need to be said, but... don't be a P-I-G at the table.  Bodily noises need to be kept to yourself!  Burps, lips smacks, chewing like a loosely dentured goat, picking at your teeth and checking out what you just blew from your nose aren't habits that leave a favorable memory of your presence at dinner.  So don't.  Just don't.

Photo credit: http://pinterest.com/pin/263319909434768329/

I used to think we all knew that good manners are about more than just using the right fork at dinner.  It's about being sensitive to how the people around you feel and savvy about how those feelings affect their perception of you.

Good manners can take us places that neither money nor education can.  And lacking them can deny us that advantage!

Sometimes I wonder what's happened to this little gem of truth in our society.  Some days it seems that the most simple and basic manners are the exception not the rule any more.  Why have we forgotten how to be a good human?

Maybe you agree with my list and maybe you don't.  Maybe you find my sarcastic edge today humorous or maybe you think I'm a mannerless jerk for saying what's on my mind in this way.  Maybe you even have rules you'd like to add to the list?

What would America be like?

Photo credit: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=387149518047253
&set=a.208092022619671.45952.130368870391987&type=1&theater

In the last Presidential election my candidate lost even though, in my opinion, he's by far the better man.  I judge him better both for the job of President and as a human being that I'd care to know based on the actions I observed in both he and his more successful opponent.  And now, months past the election, some of those actions are in the news again.

Attached to this picture (which I think was from participating in another charitable act during the political campaign which, sadly, his opponent saw as cause for character assassination) was this blurb drawn from a story on politico.com.

Photo credit: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?
fbid=10151290961874094&set=a.128185264093
.106732.89173254093&type=1&theater

"Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign quietly donated nearly $90,000 to the Red Cross in late November, according to a report filed Thursday night with the Federal Election Commission.

The donation came on Nov. 30 – about one month after Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the East Coast, stretching thin the organization’s resources, and weeks after the GOP candidate lost to President Barack Obama.

Neither Romney nor his campaign publicized the donation…"

I really admire that it was done quietly and only came to public attention because of a report he was required to file with the FEC.  Kindness and compassion are best given both generously and quietly for it's the things that no one else knows about that show a man's true character.   To do charitable things for attention shows a lack of integrity.  America needs more men, and women, who have integrity and are kind and generous with their time, material goods and influence. We need them in government, industry and especially in more homes teaching their children how to live life with the same qualities.

Yes, I'm part of the America that is extremely disgruntled with where our current President seems to be leading us but that isn't what this blog post is about.  This is about envisioning a world where holding a political office is a civic duty not a career choice... where welfare is really a hand up to a better life not making mooching a lifestyle... where family, friends and neighbors actually know and speak to and take care of each other... where parents step up their game and are decent examples for their children to emulate... where charity comes from the heart and not by taxation... where the good you can do with your time, talent and money is more important than your time, talent and money.

What would America be like if true statesmen held political office?  If elected officials saw themselves as common men not an elite class entitled to better than the rest of us?  If representing the best interests of the people who elected them was more important than raising funds for the next campaign?  What if all government transactions were transparent and not shrouded in secrecy and suspected deceit?  What if we didn't have all sorts of lobbyists and special interest groups pressing their agenda over the constituents' needs?

What would America be like if corporations cared as much about their employees as they do their executive and large stockholder's financial statements?  What if the loyalty they demand of the people who work there went both ways and the company was loyal to its people?  What if executives saw themselves as common men and not an elite class entitled to better than the rest of us?

What would America be like if every home had a father who was caring and kind and decent?  Where parents kept their promises to love and honor each other and be faithful and stuck together through good times and bad?  What if kids saw their parents work through difficult situations together and have both mom and dad stand solid in supporting those decisions?  What if families did charitable activities together?  What if parents took back the responsibility of teaching morals and values and respect for self and others instead of pawning it off on schools and peers?

What would America be like if everyone, child and grown up alike, were influenced by positive peer pressure?  Where we pushed each other to be better human beings...

A Follow-up Post to Violence

I'd hoped to leave thoughts of violence aside and focus on the happier things of the Christmas season but my mind, along with many others' minds it seems, is stuck there.  And with trying to make some sort of sense of what happened in Newtown CT this past week.  I want to say the spark behind this post was that the infamous Westboro Baptist Church is planning to visit Newtown and protest that the killings were God's righteous judgement.  But it's really more than that.  The things that are sitting heavy on my heart and blended together in my mind are widely different.  At least they are on the surface.

Part of it is about sinking their own level to exact revenge on Westboro's founders.  And some thoughts are from the words shared by a mother with a mentally challenged son and her struggles in finding ways to treat and manage his violent tendencies   And still more of me is caught up in the beautifully expressed words of a friend's blog about the so-called 'pants day' staged by women in the Mormon Church today really being about feeling marginalized.

Actually... After staring at the page for over and hour I find I can't say any of it any better than the original authors already have.  To try and regurgitate their thoughts shows both them and you disrespect so I'm just going to leave you with the links today and ask you to read for yourself and see what your own heart tells you about the problems of the world and your part in finding a solution.

It's a violent world out there...

We live in a violent world.

It's always been violent.  We just have faster and more detailed information today than ever before in the history of mankind.  When an event happens we know about it almost instantly wherever we are in the world.  Our access to information is unprecedented and that makes it easy to believe that people are more violent now than in the past.  I think that's a trick our collective mentality plays on us.

Look at nature... go all the way back to the geological formation of the planet.  How much of our landscape was formed by events like volcanic eruption, earthquakes, glaciers pushing forward and receding, floods and even meteor strikes?  Those are violently transforming events.  If you believe we are literal children of God, made in His very image, then at some level I think you have to wonder if God - the very being our minds have embodied as THE image of love and peace and light - has a violent side.  The methods He chose to create our world were violent, and if you read the Bible you'll notice that His punishments when sin has become so rampant that a population cannot be redeemed* is violent.  Could that be interpreted to say that some propensity for violence is bred into our spiritual DNA?

Could it be that violence, and the tools for bringing it about, are part of the divine creative power?  And that when we exercise our God-given gift of free agency and choose violence as a destructive force (as opposed to His creative force) we are misusing that fledgling power coded within our own spiritual being?

Today much of the world is caught up in shock and grief for the people of a small town in Connecticut where a young man with a gun walked into an elementary school and opened fire.  The last report I saw confirmed that 18 children, (27 people total including the gunman himself), were dead.  At the same time, a man in China injured 22 children with a knife at the gate to their school grounds.  To most of us both the acts and the thought processes behind them are incomprehensible.  We are struggling with sadness.  And grief.  And relief that it wasn't our family or friends.

And anger.

There's a lot of anger out there in the conversations about how awful the world's condition has become and what can be done to change the future.  Some say the answer is tighter control of whose hands can legally hold a gun.  Others say more spending on mental health and to address drug abuse is the answer.  Many look to Heaven and plead for an intervention of Biblical proportion.  A few of us say just look after the home and family better.

I live in a home with guns.  Pretty much I've always lived with one or more guns in the house and I always will.  As a child I knew where my Dad kept his guns.  They were not locked away from my inquisitive fingers.  I knew where he kept the bullets, also unlocked.  I knew most of friends' parents had guns and ammunition in their homes, too.  And yet, neither I nor anyone in my close circle of friends has ever shot another person because we were also taught respect for what a gun could do if pointed, even in play, at another person.  Guns do not kill.  A gun is merely a tool... an inanimate object to be manipulated to a person's will.

Guns do not kill - people do!  And making gun ownership illegal will not stop murders from happening.  It will not remove guns from the hands of people wishing to do harm to other people any more than making drugs like heroine and cocaine illegal has rid the world of their influence.  I oppose gun control because I believe it will only remove an honest man's defense and create even more easy victims.

The key point there was that my parents (and my friends' parents) taught me from a very young age to respect a gun for the tool that it is.  They also taught me the other important lessons that gave me my moral grounding in life.  I knew what they believed and valued because they invested their time in teaching me the difference between right and wrong.  Too often, in my self-admittedly flawed judgement, I don't see this happening as much today.  The duty of teaching children morals, values, respect, appropriate conduct and consequences gets abdicated to schools and peers with equally poor parental guidance.  Home and family life have become almost completely devalued in our society.  Without the moral compass provided by parents in a structured home environment, young people are reverting to the fear-based mindset that only the top of the food chain survives and that all means to get, and stay, there are acceptable.

What I just can't fathom is why we are all letting this continue.  We know better!  We have the power to fix the problem.  The question is... do we have the guts to step up and meet the challenge?  Or do we choose to just sit back and recoil in horror as another of our youth goes off the deep end?


- - - - - - - - - - -
*For example: the primordial casting of Satan and his group of followers from Heaven, the worldwide flood of Noah's time, the many destructions of Jerusalem, the cataclysmic events recorded in the Book of Mormon at the crucifiction and death of the Savior.

Doors

Several days ago I posed this question to my Facebook friends:  What is the difference between being used and being useful?

Just 3 answered publicly.  A few more answered privately.  And with a couple of them it opened a long discussion that revealed many of us do feel used a lot more than we feel useful even though distinguishing between them was often difficult.  It seems to be a matter of our own perception more than the task at hand.

BEING USED

The idea of being used brought up a lot of negative words and emotions:  stuck, powerless, a burden, worthlessness, a lack of opportunity or worthiness to have (or be treated) better, resentment and anger toward both the 'user' and the situation.  Those words sum up the idea of being used... at least from the perspective of the person being used.

But what about the times when we are the user?  As much as we may not want to admit it, there are times when we use others to get the things we want.  I'm not saying it's always conscious.  And it's not necessarily a ruthless act.  It's not even inherently bad.  I'm just asking everyone to take a good look at how they feel about the person they are using.  Do you see the cashier at McDonald's as worth less than Wall Street's hottest stock broker?  A look at payscale would indicate that society places more value on the broker... even though, ironically, they are providing the same core service:  facilitating the exchange of one item of value for another item of value.

BEING USEFUL

Seeing yourself as useful was positive and included words like:  priceless, vital, being a blessing, engaged in a task (or its outcome), satisfaction and being in charge of your own destiny.  These are the powerful and empowering emotions we all innately crave.  These ideas are the things that make our ego feel good.

Also interesting was the idea that the two conditions can exist simultaneously - you can see that you are being selfishly used but because you engage wholeheartedly in the activity you also feel useful.  My dear friend, Heidi, gave an example from a Church group she participated in:  Each year for Christmas, this very small Church put up an 'Angel Tree' with information about children in the community who were in need and would not otherwise have a Christmas.  All of the Ladies' Auxiliary were to participate  in gathering the clothes and food and gifts but year after year organizing everything fell to Heidi.  Some years a few of the ladies would change the ground rules part way through the season so that instead of the 50 children they'd agreed on, suddenly they were providing Christmas for 70.  Many times the needed toys and clothing for these extra 20 kids also fell to Heidi to provide because no one else in the congregation would step up to help.  Heidi was aware that she always got the task because they knew she'd follow through to complete it.  She felt the burden, both on time and finances, every year and while in the process sometimes resented it.  Isn't that the very definition of being used?  But she was fully engaged and felt like what she was doing made a difference in the world so she also felt deeply satisfied... and useful.

The trick, it seems, is to find the switch... to open the right door from all the choices that present themselves.  Used or useful?  Finding and keeping a 'useful' mindset is something I struggle with in the circumstances of my every day.

I know that my choices have closed some doors in my life.  Now I just need to figure out what new ones have been opened.  And start taking advantage of all those new opportunities to be...

Useful!

If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution. Never whine. Whining lets a brute know that a victim is in the neighborhood.    Maya Angelou

An Open Letter to Ben Baldanza

When I recently moved from Salt Lake City, UT to Kennesaw, GA it was followed up by an almost immediate vacation cruise with my fiance through the southeastern Caribbean.  The vacation was beyond wonderful!  In fact, the sole black spot to mar the memory was the flight home.  And it was so awful that I still say the high point of November 12th was visiting with the Custom's agent about the duty tax owed on some jewelry we bought.  Our cruise originated from (and returned to) Fort Lauderdale, FL and we chose to fly Spirit Airlines as our connector there from Atlanta.  The flight to Fort Lauderdale was uneventful and left both Derek and I wondering what all the fuss was about... why was everyone complaining about the service on Spirit?


Sadly, on the trip home we found out.

Following is my letter about the experience to the President, Chief Executive Office and Class II Director, Ben Baldanza.  I found his name and contact information under Investor Relations on the company's website.


Dear Mr. Baldanza:

November 12 was already a day we weren't completely thrilled with knowing that we'd be spending the better part of it waiting in the Fort Lauderdale Hollywood airport for an afternoon flight home to Atlanta because of your company's sparse scheduling on that route.  The only choices we had were appx 9:00 a.m., a time when we would not have completed the deboarding process from our cruise, or 4:08 p.m.  Obviously, the only choice was the later flight even though we would be arriving at the airport around 11:00 a.m.

On arrival at the terminal, we followed the signs directing us to the counter for luggage check only to be reamed by the agent there for not checking in at the kiosk first.  I'd say she had reason to redirect us if there had been any posted directions pointing us that way but there wasn't and I found her attitude and disposition completely disagreeable.  After so very curtly directing us toward the kiosks she told us to come back once we had the boarding passes.  We tried.  But we were physically stopped by another agent roaming the area in front of the roped off lines and pushed to the opposite end of the counter to the "Fast Line" where we stepped up to the back of a full line just as all but one agent left for break.  With just a single person back there checking bags, the line could have been generously renamed the "Slower Than A Snail Crawls Line."

Finally, with bags checked and boarding passes in hand we navigated through the TSA checkpoint and headed for the gate only to learn that the flight had already been delayed two hours.  Initially we were told it was due to weather delays in New York... that our plane was stuck at La Guardia and couldn't leave there on its trip to Florida until the weather cleared.  Later that story changed to there was no plane to take us to Atlanta because of a mechanical problem until another could be scrambled out of the fleet and brought to Fort Lauderdale.  The delay was pushed back to 6:35, then 7:05.

Boarding was begun for the 7:05 time point and when approximately 1/3 of the passengers were onboard, a problem was discovered with that plane and they were asked to get off, walk across the terminal to another gate and get on a different plane where boarding was uninterrupted multiple times to clear the walkway for international flights to deboard.  Our 4:08 p.m. flight eventually pulled away from the gate around 8:00 p.m. with the captain apologizing for the "unacceptable delays."  Yes, those were his actual words.

What troubles me most is not that there were problems with the flight but your employees' response to them.  And that is a terrible thing to say because your people had so many chances to shine, so many opportunities to wow us with great customer service, so many times they could have won our loyalty instead of leaving us angry, alienated and vowing to use another carrier for future flights.  You see, we are pretty laid back and reasonable people.  We fully understand that things happen.  But we do expect to be treated with honesty, kindness and professionalism as the problems are worked out.  Our anger comes from that fact that none of those qualities were evident in our contact with your employees.  We were treated very badly and are very interested to know what, if anything, you are going to do about it.


That's the body of my letter.  Now we wait and see what happens.  I'd like to hope there'll be some response but after experiencing the way Spirit's front line employees treat customers I'm not exactly counting on it since customer service is usually a trickle down trait in corporate culture.

Another Return & Report Update

For the past week, my tasks were:

1. Details and agreements to sell/lease house completed.
2. 30 minutes of exercise each day.
3. Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.
4. Decide garage sale days, begin advertising it and finish getting stuff packaged up and ready to sell
5. Research pricing for furniture to be sold and place ads on KSL.com and craigslist.com.
6. Work on the big pre-move goal.
7. Unclog the bath tub drain.

Task 1 is on track.  The details and agreements are ready to move forward with the lease-to-sell option as the folks who want to buy my house got a sad/sick appraisal on theirs.  I'm looking a huge loss but I still have equity.  They're upside down.  This real estate market is all around painful right now.

Task 2 went a little better this week.  I think I still missed a couple of days getting the full 30 minutes in but between going up and down the stairs getting stuff packed and ready for a garage sale this coming weekend and getting out to walk every day and doing some stretches specifically to help with flexibility I'm getting the time in most days.  I'm feeling pretty pleased about this, but I want to keep it on my weekly list for awhile longer so it becomes a solid habit.

Task 3 is another tough one.  Life circumstances left me with too much idle time to play around online and it became a hard habit to break!  I may have got the 8 hours in, but barely.  This one needs to stay on the list indefinitely!!

Task 4 is done.  The garage sale is going to be Friday and Saturday, September 21 and 22.  I'll have quite a bit of stuff ready to go out but (shudder) may have to have another in a few weeks to get rid of straggler items.  I advertised in my Ward's RS Newsletter and will be placing ads on KSL,com, craigslist.com and Facebook as well as making posterboard signs to place around the neighborhood on Thursday morning.

Task 5 is a rough one...  Pricing, generally, should be about 1/3 of what you paid (can you say financial rape?) but people here in Utah are so tight they could back up to a wall and suck a brick out.  The brown sectional and coordinating area rug upstairs, for example, cost me around $3,400.  I've been asking $1,100 and get treated like crap for it.  No one wants to pay more than $100 for anything.  I wish I could just donate it for the tax write off and be done and not have to deal with rude, horrible people!

Task 6 is more personal than I want to share on the internet, but it's coming along right on track.

Task 7 is done.  After major plungering, the bath tub drain is unclogged.  That kind of stuff happens now and then in an old house.

Other things I accomplished this week, in addition to the above, include:

• Went to the first goodbye lunch with Marcy and Brantz.
• Finalized which mover to use.  The truck will be here on Oct 25.
• Got my flight to Atlanta booked for Oct 31.  Hehehe... does Derek get a trick or a treat?
• We made the plans for our first big adventure together - a 10 day Caribbean Cruise leaving Nov 2.

My 7 'must accomplish' tasks for the coming week are:

1.  30 minutes of exercise each day.
2.  Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.
3.  Hold the garage sale on Sept 21 and 22.
4.  Research consignment arrangements to sell furniture.
5.  Make significant progress on the private big pre-move goal.
6.  Start the liquidation process on all remaining assets so there's cash to cover car purchase, Oct mortgage and moving related expenses.
7.  Make a list of what I need to pack for the cruise so I can hold it out separately.

And though I've given up expecting anyone to follow up with me that reinforcement would still be helpful and welcome!

One Day That Defines Us

Every generation has it's day.  The day that lives on forever in our collective memory.  The day we will always know exactly where we were and what we were doing when an event unfolded that changed each of us.  Changed our perception, attitude, outlook and often our very way of life.

For our parents (and some grandparents) that day is December 7, 1942 - the day that will live in infamy - when Japan attacked the United States at Pearl Harbor and brought World War II to America in a very much more personal way.  I remember my parents stopping, even 50 years later, to reflect on what had happened that day and to recall friends and family who died on ships just off the Hawaiian coast.  And it's right to remember.

As awful as the event was, so many good things happened as a consequence.  Young adults of that era went on to be the innovators with the dead-on hard working ethics that drove America to newfound prosperity.  They become known as 'the greatest generation' because they earned that title by sacrifice and doing things that had never been done before.  They set the stage for the accomplishments we enjoy today and we owe them a debt of gratitude so huge that it can never be repaid.  With so many of them now passed on it's right and good for us to pick up their torch, to remember and to mark this solemn day even if it is not part of our own memories.

My generation, so called baby-boomers and younger, have a different defining day.  For us September 11, 2001 is when our world changed.  That's when we can each recall with near perfect clarity where we were and what we were doing when news broke that terrorists had flown planes into the World Trade Center in New York City and the Pentagon in Washington DC and if not for the heroic acts of passengers onboard another hijacked flight, the White House.  Agents of hate brought their war to our own soil.  For many of us, it was the first time we really tasted the fear and horror of war.  And still today, those emotions are raw and so near the surface.

Events were happening as I was getting up and ready for work.  It was a day like every other at the bank when I walked into the office early that morning.  Then almost immediately I was called over to the reception area where a television usually played market news and a continual stock ticker tape.  As I walked up to the desk to see why everyone was huddled there I saw the second plane crashing into WTC. There was a moment of utter disbelief and denial and hope that it was some kind of hideous accident but it soon became clear that the planes had been flown into the towers purposefully as an act of war.  It was stunningly chilling to realize that America was now in a war at home.

Some of my next thoughts were for the members of my work team who were in training meetings in Boise.  They should still be at breakfast... Did they know?  What did this mean for them personally and as far as continuing on with the training?  In the end, their flights home were cancelled.  They rented a car and drove back to Salt Lake a day or two later.  Luckily everyone I knew, and their families and close friends, had escaped being touched directly by this event.  No one close to me had been killed or injured in the initial attacks or when the towers fell.

Yet, emotionally and mentally we were dazed and confused and angry and hurt.  And some combination of thousands of other emotions ran through our minds.  But there was no physical connection.

Or so I thought.

Yesterday, for the first time, I read this account of the day by my friend Mashell Jolley Anderson:  http://www.squidoo.com/911-changed-my-life-forever.  Mashell's husband worked at the Pentagon and was there when that plane was purposely crashed.  I bawled reading her account of the day.  I cried for the suffering and distress her family experienced and then I cried for a whole different reason.  Out of all this horror, Mashell has found something so positive that she can look back and call it a good day for her family. She learned lessons that we all need to know about what is truly important.  I encourage you to read her message, let its poignancy touch your heart and then make changes in your own life so that 9/11 is a good day for you, too.  I know I am.

And I know it is a day I will always remember.  Amid all the messages telling us to 'never forget' I think we sometimes lose sight of just why its good and right to remember.  The past can be an amazing catalyst for the future if we learn its lesson and do what is necessary.  So now it's up to us to make the consequence of these horrific actions something worthy of our collective memory.

Return & Report (and Revise)

Nobody commented on my post about some essential tasks I needed to complete or asked me about them during the week.  It would have been helpful if someone out there cared enough about me to keep me accountable and on track.  But you didn't.  I'm not going to allow myself to become my own worst enemy and let these details get past me and I'm not going to wallow in self-pity over the appearance that no one cares.

So, my 'friends' count this as your notice:  Either you walk with me or you'll watch me walk away.

How did I do with the 7 goals for 7 days?

1.  I did get the bulk of things packed up.  Planning to get to the post office Tuesday with them.  And there will be an additional padded envelope once I locate the last few items in the basement.  Gonna call it close enough. 

2.  In total, I got 8 resumes out there.  And one follow up.  Put a checkmark by that item on the list! 

3.  Got the mortgage payment made.  Woohoo for another check mark.  I like checking things off... 

4.  Some days I fell short and some days I got significantly more exercise.  I think it all balances out.  I'm going to keep this one on my list for more work but I'm rather pleased at how well I did do. 

5.  That big pre-move goal is well underway.  Thank goodness for those few people in life you know won't let you down. 

6.  The china cabinet is partially packed up.  I stopped working on this because I got the wild hare to see how much it would cost to have a full-service moving company move my stuff - and they pack it for liability purposes - rather than me doing it all and using PODS.  The initial estimates have the real movers coming in cheaper.   Pending the last 2 bids to be done early in the coming week, this task might just be outsourced.

7.  Off-line pursuits still took a backseat to on-line ones.  But I did get some time in doing enjoyable things away from the computer.  I'm also going to keep this one on my list for more work.

In addition, I managed to complete several other tasks that were equally important.  And that keeps them from appearing on future lists.  And that puts a happy smile on my face!

And my 7 goals for this coming week are:

1.  Details and agreements to sell/lease house completed.
2.  30 minutes of exercise each day.
3.  Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.
4.  Decide garage sale days, begin advertising it and finish getting stuff ready to sell
5.  Research pricing for furniture to be sold and place ads on KSL.com and craigslist.com.
6.  Work on the big pre-move goal.
7.  Unclog the bath tub drain.

7 Days 7 Goals

This could just as well say, "The difference between your LIFE this week and next is what you do for the next seven days to achieve your goals."  So hold me accountable someone because if I know it can slide I will let it slide and then I'll be unhappy because another week is gone and I'm no closer to the life I want.

1. Package of grandma's things in the mail to my cousin, Sandy.
2. At least 5 resume's placed for jobs in the Atlanta area.
3. September mortgage payment made.
4. 30 minutes of exercise each day.
5. Talk to Helen about helping with my major pre-move goal.
6. China cabinet contents packed.
7. Spend 8 hours on off-line pursuits like drawing or crafts.

The Walls Come Tumbling Down

I read the most touching blog post at Single Dad Laughing this morning called That Moment When...

This line really hit home for me:

That moment when you realize that the walls you put up to protect yourself were the very walls that destroyed you. Again.

Walls, limits, boundaries... whatever you call the things you do to guard your heart.  To keep you from feeling vulnerable because being vulnerable makes you feel weak and fearful.  And it can be a scary thing to give someone enough of your heart to realize that they have the power to break it.  Scary to feel naked and exposed and risking the rejection of not being enough.

But what about the times when the other person loves us despite our flaws and faults and deep dark secrets?  Isn't that the kind of intimacy that makes living worthwhile?

Keeping people out with our self-erected walls that we so carefully lay brick by brick only serves to keep us away from what we need and want most in human interaction.  It seems awfully silly to put all that effort into something we very much don't want.  And not silly at the same time because our intent in building walls and containing our self is to avoid the pain, whether physical or emotional, that has devastated our psyche in the past.

Expansion by Paige Bradley

 “From the moment we are born, the world tends to have a container already built for us to fit inside: a social security number, a gender, a race, a profession, I ponder if we are more defined by the container we are in than what we are inside. Would we recognize ourselves if we could expand beyond our bodies?"  asks sculptor Paige Bradley when speaking about her work Expansion.

I really like the imagery of this sculpture.  It says to me that when we make the conscious decision to start tearing down those walls, to let down our guard and be open to new people, ideas and adventures, that's when the light inside begins to shine.  That's how we expand beyond our body and finally find our authentic self.  And yes, I think it is a decision to take down the walls.  It's a very calculated risk.  Even if we aren't completely conscious of it while it's happening, something inside is weighing the pros and cons and always asking if it's worth it.

Yes, it is scary to step out onto that ledge where the possibility of being hurt exists.  It takes my breath away to look out and consider all the possibilities that I set aside in the past.  But it's also exhilarating.  And so freeing. I've calculated the risk, drawn a deep breath for courage and I'm taking the jump.

One by one I'm pulling the bricks away.  It's a slow, sometimes tentative, process this tearing down. I think it has to be.  All at once would be too much - too frightening, too risky.  Sometimes I'm surprised by how thick the wall is when one layer is gone and only reveals another behind it.

Looking back, I'm not sure how or when I got to be so damaged.  Maybe that doesn't really matter.  Because I am determined that what held me down in the past will not bind my future.  These walls will come tumbling down!

YOLO

If, like me, you've so far missed this acronym of modern language YOLO means You Only Live Once.  It's the impetus, and sometimes excuse, being tossed around for many adventures and personal discoveries of late.  And it has great value if you are seeking out things to enhance your life and not just a way to assuage your conscience for bad behavior and choices.

Our founding fathers went to quite the effort to promise each of us "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."  Note we are not guaranteed happiness, just the ability to pursue it.  And 'pursue' is a verb; an action word; implied is getting off your butt and doing something.

Now and then we see this idea repeated by other bright thinkers, eloquent and not, with phrases like "carpe the heck out of that diem" and "life is for the living."  Today, reading the 2012 Wellesley High School Commencement Address by David McCullough Jr. these sentences stood out to me.  "The point is the same: get busy, have at it. Don’t wait for inspiration or passion to find you. Get up, get out, explore, find it yourself, and grab hold with both hands."

He went on to explain further, "None of this day-seizing, though, this [YOLO]ing, should be interpreted as license for self-indulgence. Like accolades ought to be, the fulfilled life is a consequence, a gratifying byproduct. It’s what happens when you’re thinking about more important things. Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you."

The fulfilled life is a consequence.  Now that's something to think about.

Over the last year, I think it's fair to say I've given myself license for a lot of self-indulgence.  Yes, I've done some hard things and learned a great deal but I'm not really any closer to the life I would call fulfilled and gratifying now than I was then.  I also think it's fair to say that in large part this stems from lack of direction, lack of tangible goals, and lack of discipline to do the hard things to bring them about.

I need a big goal and someone or something that will help me by following through with holding me accountable.

Pavlov's Kissing Adventures

I think we people are more like Pavlov's dogs than we'd like to admit with our big brains and self-actualized sensibilities.  An event, it doesn't really matter what event, happens in your life and as a result you experience a sensation.  If that resulting sensation is pleasant, you forever associate that event with a happy memory and look forward to recreating it.  If it's less than pleasant, you tend to avoid similar events in the future.

That's true for burning your finger on a hot dish just as much as for a lover who, intent aside, didn't pay enough attention to meet your needs and desires.  Time heals the burned finger and the broken heart leaving just a memory of the pain to push us away from that event again... even when the people around us insist it is an amazing experience that we should try again.

Poster available from:  http://weareyawn.com/​#Macheete-Posters

Sometimes someone comes along who is willing to not only tell us the experience can be good, but takes the time to show us through consistent caring action and helps us be brave enough to try again.  Someone who will undo the damage left behind by past lovers and open our hearts and minds to move on to even better things.  Someone who loves us, not just for what we are today, but for who we can be tomorrow.  Someone who defies the logic of time and space to help us believe again in the power of deep kisses, strange adventures, midnight swims and rambling conversations that last all night.

So glad he came along when he did...  And so thankful for the push and motivation to make some big life changes.  There's times he scares the hell out of me... but that might just be a good thing!

People in the Public Eye

I don't consider myself to be star-struck by any means...  I'm not one to "ooh and ah" over anyone's every breath but rather, I look at people with some sort of celebrity status (whether they are a movie star,  politician or a Church authority) as a normal person who's job puts their every move under the microscope of public scrutiny.

Still there are some people who I find very interesting.

Bristol Palin is one of those interesting people.  She has a blog that I follow, Bristol's Blog.  Is it a campaign trick for her mother's political ambitions?  Or a publicity stunt to boost sales of her book?  Perhaps.  But now and then it's fun to take a glimpse into the life of a well-known and sometimes controversial family.  A family, who celebrity status notwithstanding, looks an awfully lot like most families I know with their own struggles and moments of joy.

Awhile back, Bristol put up this post about why she is (now) choosing abstinence before marriage.  While I agree with her that it is best to put solid commitment before a sexual relationship, not everyone sees it that way.  And that's ok... we all have the agency to choose for ourselves in this life.  What I think surprised me is the attack mentality of those who disagree.  It is Bristol's blog... her forum to share her ideas and beliefs.

Just like this blog is my forum to put my thoughts into words.  It's my space to share the things that are important to me.  Your approval, while appreciated, isn't necessary.  I'm going to keep telling my story in my voice.

I hope Bristol Palin keeps her voice as well.

Put on the Big Girl Panties

Why is it that most often it's men that make me want to say this?

I had an agreement with a guy to keep his restored Hudson and a motorcycle in my extra garage for the next year in exchange for the labor to put up a very simple new roof on my patio.  He agreed a couple of weeks ago and since he's never showed up, never called to find out anything more, and can't be reached by phone as no one answers and the voicemail is full I finally sent an email to his mother asking what was going on.  He still wasn't man enough to face up to it himself and tell me that he couldn't keep our agreement.  He hid behind mommy and let her worry that his failure would poison our friendship.  And it doesn't.  She's dear and sweet and wonderful.  But I did tell her that I'm disappointed... in her son.

So I'll deal with the roof problem another way.  It's such a basic structure, basically just a grid of 2X4s to be covered with plywood and shingled, I could ALMOST do it myself.

After all, I am a big girl and I'm not afraid to wear my big girl panties!