How to Be a Good Human

Hidden away in a dark and often snarky corner toward the back of my brain, I keep a list.  Actually  I keep several of them there.  I’m going to tell you about one of them today… the one about human behaviors that just need to be ripped from the planet to make all of human-kind better.  My list comes from many places.  Some I’ve smirked about reading on Facebook and other blogs as people there complained about something unstellar someone had done in their presence.  Many I’ve witnessed myself.  Most, if you stop and think about it (which apparently a vast number of fellow inhabitants of the planet don’t) should be obvious rules for being a good human.

• Don’t spit your gum (or tobacco chew or a loogie) where everyone walks.  Why should be self-explanatory to anyone who has 2 brain cells that still rub together. 
• If you find something that doesn’t belong to you, turn it in.  It isn’t a gift.  The owner is probably looking for it.  Do unto others... and all that.
• When you are walking along in a big crowd, don’t fart just because no one else will know it’s you.
• Pajamas are not appropriate even for a Walmart run.  Go out in public looking and acting your best and give others a reason to be impressed with what you’ve made of yourself.
•  Be slow to judge.  My best might be radically different than your best due to circumstances I can’t control.  A little understanding will do more than all the condemnation that can be mutually dished out.
• When your dog takes a crap, clean it up ASAP.  Stepping in someone else’s dog’s pile of doodoo is far from a happy moment and even farther from anything that might even slightly resemble a flattering thought about the dog's owner.
• When you knock stuff off store shelves bend yourself over, pick it up and put it back where it belongs.  Most 2-year-olds have mastered this life skill.  Surely you haven't forgotten how?
• When a grown person smiles at your baby, it doesn’t mean they are a pedophile.  People like babies and, generally, people are nice.  Maybe you can show that you’re nice, too, and assume the positive?
• Take an occasional sniff at your pits.  If you can smell them, you can bet your last dollar so can everyone else!  And a bath is what's called for... dabbing some perfume on it only makes it smell worse.
• People go to dance clubs to dance, not be felt up by strangers. Keep your hands where you know they are welcome and don’t assume every girl (or guy) there wants you to rub her (or his) backside. 
• If you receive a gift, say thank you.  No words inspire future kindnesses better.  Seriously... magic words!
• People who are old, injured or ill need the seat so move your able body and give it up to them.  It's not just respectful; sometimes it's a matter of matter of health and safety.
• Just because it feels anonymous, don’t think you’ll get away with being a jerk on the internet.  Electronic Karma is a bitch, too!
• It's really appreciated when your kids publicly show that you've taught them good manners.  When they run wild, bang into our legs, break toys, throw tantrums and call you vile names in the checkout line, it's a terribly shocking and uncomfortable situation for the rest of us even if you can bring yourself to overlook it.
• On the flip side, don't you ever hit or curse at or otherwise abuse your child.  If I see it, odds are my good manners will slip as my fist meets your face in an attempt to lay you out like a rotting carcass on the streets of some battle-torn third-world city.
• When a person you've disagreed with proves themselves to be ok and not the satanic spawn of your over-active imagination, swallow your pride and tell them.  Your day, and theirs, will be better!
• Littering is not cool!  Don't toss your cigarette butts and other random trash on the sidewalk or into nearby bushes for someone else to come behind you and clean up.
• And this shouldn't need to be said, but... don't be a P-I-G at the table.  Bodily noises need to be kept to yourself!  Burps, lips smacks, chewing like a loosely dentured goat, picking at your teeth and checking out what you just blew from your nose aren't habits that leave a favorable memory of your presence at dinner.  So don't.  Just don't.

Photo credit: http://pinterest.com/pin/263319909434768329/

I used to think we all knew that good manners are about more than just using the right fork at dinner.  It's about being sensitive to how the people around you feel and savvy about how those feelings affect their perception of you.

Good manners can take us places that neither money nor education can.  And lacking them can deny us that advantage!

Sometimes I wonder what's happened to this little gem of truth in our society.  Some days it seems that the most simple and basic manners are the exception not the rule any more.  Why have we forgotten how to be a good human?

Maybe you agree with my list and maybe you don't.  Maybe you find my sarcastic edge today humorous or maybe you think I'm a mannerless jerk for saying what's on my mind in this way.  Maybe you even have rules you'd like to add to the list?

What would America be like?

Photo credit: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=387149518047253
&set=a.208092022619671.45952.130368870391987&type=1&theater

In the last Presidential election my candidate lost even though, in my opinion, he's by far the better man.  I judge him better both for the job of President and as a human being that I'd care to know based on the actions I observed in both he and his more successful opponent.  And now, months past the election, some of those actions are in the news again.

Attached to this picture (which I think was from participating in another charitable act during the political campaign which, sadly, his opponent saw as cause for character assassination) was this blurb drawn from a story on politico.com.

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.106732.89173254093&type=1&theater

"Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign quietly donated nearly $90,000 to the Red Cross in late November, according to a report filed Thursday night with the Federal Election Commission.

The donation came on Nov. 30 – about one month after Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the East Coast, stretching thin the organization’s resources, and weeks after the GOP candidate lost to President Barack Obama.

Neither Romney nor his campaign publicized the donation…"

I really admire that it was done quietly and only came to public attention because of a report he was required to file with the FEC.  Kindness and compassion are best given both generously and quietly for it's the things that no one else knows about that show a man's true character.   To do charitable things for attention shows a lack of integrity.  America needs more men, and women, who have integrity and are kind and generous with their time, material goods and influence. We need them in government, industry and especially in more homes teaching their children how to live life with the same qualities.

Yes, I'm part of the America that is extremely disgruntled with where our current President seems to be leading us but that isn't what this blog post is about.  This is about envisioning a world where holding a political office is a civic duty not a career choice... where welfare is really a hand up to a better life not making mooching a lifestyle... where family, friends and neighbors actually know and speak to and take care of each other... where parents step up their game and are decent examples for their children to emulate... where charity comes from the heart and not by taxation... where the good you can do with your time, talent and money is more important than your time, talent and money.

What would America be like if true statesmen held political office?  If elected officials saw themselves as common men not an elite class entitled to better than the rest of us?  If representing the best interests of the people who elected them was more important than raising funds for the next campaign?  What if all government transactions were transparent and not shrouded in secrecy and suspected deceit?  What if we didn't have all sorts of lobbyists and special interest groups pressing their agenda over the constituents' needs?

What would America be like if corporations cared as much about their employees as they do their executive and large stockholder's financial statements?  What if the loyalty they demand of the people who work there went both ways and the company was loyal to its people?  What if executives saw themselves as common men and not an elite class entitled to better than the rest of us?

What would America be like if every home had a father who was caring and kind and decent?  Where parents kept their promises to love and honor each other and be faithful and stuck together through good times and bad?  What if kids saw their parents work through difficult situations together and have both mom and dad stand solid in supporting those decisions?  What if families did charitable activities together?  What if parents took back the responsibility of teaching morals and values and respect for self and others instead of pawning it off on schools and peers?

What would America be like if everyone, child and grown up alike, were influenced by positive peer pressure?  Where we pushed each other to be better human beings...

Love Binds; Respect Unites

Photo credit: Facebook.com

So many issues in America today bring passionate responses from both sides.  Bring them up on Facebook, or even in family conversation, and watch the range of reactions.

Speak of guns, for example.  You'll have those saying 'you'll get my gun when you pry it from my rigid, icy, dead fingers' (myself included) and who are stockpiling additional weapons and ammunition just in case the 'liberal crazies' get their ban passed to those who want to tie all of us 'gun loving perpetrators of violence' to the back of a pickup and drag us through the desert until we come to our senses.  (I've lost the reference, but yes, that dragging through the desert idea was actually part of an Op/Ed newspaper article I read in the past few days.) Different thoughts about whether or not it's ethical and should be legal to own and use a gun isn't what bothers me.

We just had a very negatively fought and divisive national election where extremes ranged from comments stating President Obama is the 2nd coming of Christ personified to those calling him the cause for America's end and the Biblically prophesied anti-Christ of the last days to pretty much everything in between.  My personal opinion falls somewhere into the in between... though I've never made it secret that I don't support where I see him leading us.  But here again, it's not that a difference of opinion about the intent and leadership abilities of our current President exists that's giving me pause.

Say the words 'organic produce.'  You'll get a few plain vanilla complaints about the price but a lot of heated comments about taste, quality, nutrient density, poisoning the earth with chemicals, GMO corn as the root of most modern illness, cloned animals, research geared to show that organic is actually dangerous to consume because it contains bacterial contaminations and a whole slew of sub-issues relating to work conditions in third world countries, holistic medicine, medical malpractice, genetic modification of plants and animals being precursor steps to genetically modifying humans, etc.  Again, being a more middle of the road kind of person, I'm not upset that there are differing opinions about whether organic or modern factory farming is better.

And admit that you are thinking about getting a Pit Bull puppy and watch the battle rage.  You'll have people insist that they are nothing more than conniving canine assassins lying in wait for the opportunity to clamp their massive and very strong jaws around your neck to those (including me) who  say it's all about how the dog is treated and trained.  Though there are exceptions, just like humans defying their upbringing, generally if you treat an animal with kindness and love he'll be a gentle pet; beat him and train him to fight and he'll be a vicious killer.  If you disagree, I respect your right to your own opinion and suggest you get a different breed of puppy when you choose a pet for your home.

I could go on...  Immigration.  Capital punishment.  Welfare fraud.  Marijuana legalization.  Motor cycle helmets.  Speed limits.  Salaries for professional athletes.  Salaries for school teachers.  Salaries (and other perks) for Congress.

Or I can just get around to making my point...

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58806.261573987217041&type=1&theater

What if this contention is being purposefully created?

I'm really not a big conspiracy theorist, but I did find the suggestion intriguing that keeping us so passionately divided on individual issues is an intentional thing... a way to keep us from noticing the more nefarious things national and international governments are doing to bring about the so-called New World Order.  I remember in school being taught that we live in the United States of America.  The UNITED States and that the only way our country will fail is if we become divided.  A house divided cannot stand...  Sound familiar to anyone else?  From that perspective I find things like Texas threatening to secede troubling.  And I find equally troubling that some people are suggesting that they do it.  Quickly.  Because 'we' don't want 'them' in America anymore.

But honestly what struck the chord for me wasn't the whole government involvement angle so much as the idea that creating this divisiveness is intentional.  Where I differ with the the conspirator folks is on where the intent originates.

You see, at my core, I am a religious person.  I am a Christian.  I believe that the people who wrote Scripture were inspired with thoughts that are just as, if not more, relevant to life today than in the time when they were written.  When the Bible tells me to love my neighbor, (Matthew 22:39) I trust that there is a Divine reason.  When it tells me that God is Love (1 John 4:8) and that His love for each of us, His children, is unconditional (Acts 10:34) I believe it.  When it says I need to overcome the 'natural man' (1 Corinthians 2: 14) and become more like my Savior (Matthew 5:48) I see the need to do a better job loving people.

In every culture, love is the glue that binds people to each other.  It's the connection that holds a family together stronger than bloodlines.  It's what makes us friends.  In the same way, contention and discord are what pull people apart ruining relationships, destroying families, causing entire civilizations to fall.  The same Scriptures speak of Satan being the 'Father of all lies' (John 8:44); the very source of contention.  They tell us that his goal is make us as miserable as he is being separated from the love and light of God.

And the same Scriptures invite us to make a decision:  "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve." (Joshua 24:15)

While my practice is imperfect, I know my choice.  We are all flawed people and it's impossible to live up to a perfect standard.  Sometimes we act in ways, and we all do it, where actively loving is hard.  I know that there have been times I've looked at another person and thought to myself, 'I love you.  But right now I really don't like you.'  What holds us together in those moments is respect... respect for every person's right to opinion, to choose their own actions and words.  We don't have to agree but we do need to respect.

Love binds us.  Respect unites us.  And humanity needs a big dose of both right about now.