Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Dog Pee

I failed epicly as a puppy parent tonight.

The boys have had 'accident' after accident all day long.  Sometimes I think it was revenge peeing... a way of getting back at me for hollering NOOOOOOOOOOOO! because they'd squat while looking right at me and then walk around the room to make sure it was splattered as widely as possible.  And they have giant bladders...  A racehorse, one of those famous for it's copious amounts of urine, has nothing on my boys!

I swear I've mopped up gallons of dog pee today.


And in this moment I can't think of much I detest more than dog pee and peeing dogs.  Enough to declare I will never have another puppy and that any future dog needs to be grown up enough to be house-trained and have learned a few manners before I'll think about bringing it home.  I might even mean that.

And we all should have bought stock in whatever company owns Bounty.  I've used enough paper towels to create a quarter of record profits for them just from mopping up dog pee.

(Note to self:  I should hit them up for a product endorsement deal!)

Dog pee is making me crazy.  It's got me completely frazzled and feeling bitter about getting stuck with all the clean up.  Well, not all the clean up.  But certainly a heck of a lot of it.

It wouldn't be so bad if dog pee had even one redeeming quality about it.  But it is what it is... dog pee.

While I was cooking dinner they flooded the dining room for the second time today. Am I being overly dramatic calling it a flood when the whole floor was wet?  They've peed in the living room.  They've peed in the family room.  I think one of them peed in the bedroom... I swear my blood pressure goes up enough to make me wonder if my head is about to explode when I, unsuspectingly, step on that cold wet spot.  I just want to scream!

And tonight I'd had more of it than I could deal with and I did scream.

One of those blood curdling, top of the lungs, scare the pee out you when you hear it kind of screams.

Yes, it scared them and freaked them out.

And yes, they peed.

As if I needed more dog pee to deal with...

I have so had it with dog pee tonight... if the grocery store was still open I'd go get a box of Pampers and diaper the peeing hounds every second they are inside.  It's not like I don't take the rotten little beasts out every couple of hours all day long.  I do.  And they pee a gallon in the yard... or on the driveway... or on the carport floor then, too.

Dog pee, dog pee, dog pee, dog pee, dog pee, dog pee...

Are you as sick of it as I am yet?

But, yes... I still love them.  Or at least I will again by morning!

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