Saturday, January 12, 2013

Losing Faith

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Sometimes life is a puzzle.

And like many puzzles that have been well played with, sometimes it's missing that one piece to bring the whole picture together.  And when you can't find that one little piece, no matter where or how hard you search, all progress putting the puzzle together comes to a dead standstill.  Getting the rest of the puzzle to fit together without that one piece is... hopeless.

That's how I'm feeling today.

My missing piece is a job... a way to produce a regular income and make the rest of life, and living it with some measure of comfort and security, possible.  So much, everything in my future really, hinges on a job.  The pressure I feel is tremendous.  A job is crucial to meet ongoing financial obligations like rent, food, the credit card bill I've racked up with this move... and those are highly important things but even more pressing on my emotions is that it's my ticket out of the living situation I reluctantly agreed to when moving and want out of at the first attainable moment. Without one, I'm stuck right where I am.  And that leaves me on the edge of a complete meltdown on a daily basis.  Being jobless has no redeeming quality at this point and time.

I look at online job postings every single day.  I apply for anything and everything that looks remotely likely.  Or even just endurable.  What happens?  Nothing.  Not even one stinking, lousy rejection letter/email.

I've asked my friends who live or have connections in this part of the country to keep their eyes open, pass my resume along, and, hoping to expand my network a bit, introduce me to anyone they know who might be able to help in my quest.  What's happened?  Nothing.

I've initiated contact with the people in my church who are designated to help members find employment.  What's happened?  So far, nothing.

I've prayed every day for months for God's help in bringing an employment opportunity my way.  Some sort of Divine intervention if you will.  What's happened?  You guessed it...  Either He's not listening or just screaming back NO! at me.  (And the two things I despise most in life are being ignored when I have something to say and hearing an incessant 'no' for an answer.)

Believing that if I did my part God would bless me and make things work out positively, I've made certain conscious choices about life and my behavior in the past.  And for the most part, life was pretty good.  But that formula isn't working this time.  I feel like I'm doing my part and not getting a result that looks remotely desirable and the frustration of it has me unhappy and losing faith that there's any point in living this particular moral code.  All the encouragement in the world to just keep trying and that God must have something really great in store... it doesn't make me feel better.  Sentiments are nice, but it's action that is needed.

Quick action.

My future sanity, security, happiness and very faith are on the line here.

1 comment:

Clint Baker said...

I have been in your shoes. It just seemed as though the harder I prayer the worse thing got for us. I felt the same way, we wanted to give up all hope but my wife looked at me one evening before prayer and asked me what our heart motive in our prayer to God was? When we got done discussing with each other, I fully understood that I needed to fully trust God that He would provide those things which He knew I needed in His time to mine. When I truly did that I had done my part and continued hitting the pavement every day looking. Let me tell you! We were down to the last crumb in the cabinet but never went hungry, I picked up small jobs, handyman jobs around other peoples houses, mowing grass, etc and months went by but we never went hungry or lost anything. We kept praying and trusting and finally, God gave me the job of my dreams and I have been there 12 years know, my wife was able to stay home and raise the kids and I am very thankful daily! So I know its frustrating and sometimes we want to say to God "I have asked You, You know what I want, Then why haven't You provided". He will trust Him, in His time. Just trust in the mean time that He will provide everything that you need to live and get by.
We will be praying for you and trust with you that God will provide your every need until you get the job He has provided for you! God Bless!