Poor Man's Minestrone

Poor Man's Minestrone or, as my Mom always called it, Hamburger Soup... Whatever you want to call it, it made a yummy dinner on this chilly gloomy day for me and the boys!  It was the third workout in as many weeks for my 38 cent crockpot and it did its job like a rockstar!

This is a clean out the little bits left in the fridge, freezer, and pantry kind of dish...

Next time it might be a little different depending on what veggies I have that need to be used but to make the soup today, I broke up and fried 1 lb of hamburger.  When that was nearly done, I added about 1 cup of sliced baby carrots I'd forgot about getting for snacks, 4 sliced up ribs of celery that were right on the edge of turning wimpy, and the half an onion rattling around the bottom of the vegetable crisper, roughly diced.  I let this cook until the vegetables were starting to soften.

Meanwhile, into the crockpot went the end of a bag of frozen corn, the end of a bag of frozen peas, a big handful of frozen green beans, 2 packets of dry onion soup mix, and a can of diced tomatoes.  I added the burger mixture and a couple of tomato cans of water (gotta get all that tomatoey goodness!), set the crockpot on high, and gave it a good stir.

Now, this is the really important step in making this soup so pay attention!

I went to the laundromat and did my laundry (yay for clean clothes!) while the soup simmered away and the flavors blended just like magic.  Yup, I just walked away and forgot about it for a couple of hours.

When I got home, I added a little more water, the end of a box of shell macaroni, approximately 2 tsp Tony Chachere's Cajun Seasoning, and walked away again for about 30 minutes.  Then it was time to dip it up and enjoy with a couple of crackers...

Love in a bowl!!  Or, if you're like me, in a big coffee cup!

Out of the Beehive

"We need to get out of the beehive and go back to the grove."

I saw that quote along with a plea for help finding the source to cite for it yesterday.  And I like it!  So of course, I followed the discussion that proceeded.  So far no source, but there are some intriguing thoughts in checking the leads that I want to explore a little deeper today into the symbolized industry of a beehive and contemplative peace of the Sacred Grove (or any grove of trees, really).  Getting ready for Church this morning I listened to a podcast from All In about living a more mindful LDS lifestyle.  Meditation and deeper mindfulness are things I'm trying to incorporate as I rebuild my life and, honestly, I haven't exactly figured out how to do either of them.  Yet.

This podcast took an interesting approach when the participants spoke about what can appear to be opposing commandments.  Yes, they are telling us to do different things but I think they might apply to different times in our lives, or maybe even different times during a single day, to provide us with a sense of balance.

"Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;  For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward."  D&C 58:27-28

"Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God."  D&C 101:16

 Latter-day Saints often quote the phrase "anxiously engaged in a good cause" when speaking about the good things we do in the world:  missionary work, disaster relief, etc.  Indeed, our faith is a very active one.  We look at Jesus as our example of going about doing good.  We love the stories of His teaching and preaching and healing and blessing the people around him and strive to do the same ourselves.  But, I think, we tend to skip over the dozen-ish recorded times that he retreated from the crowds and busy-ness to be alone with Himself and pray... to be still and commune with His Father; to rest and be refreshed in quiet solitude.

If we are willing to look to Him to show us how to be busy, should we not also look to Him learn how to rest?

In the April 1967 Priesthood Session of General Conference, David O. McKay said, "I think we pay too little attention to the value of meditation, a principle of devotion. In our worship, there are two elements: One is spiritual communion arising from our own meditation; the other, instruction from others, particularly from those who have authority to guide and instruct us. Of the two, the more profitable introspectively is meditation."  Farther into the address, he continued, "Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord."

That last sentence really caught my attention!

"Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord."

Definitely, meditation is something I need to learn more about!

Thomas Wirthlin McConkie spoke to the power of meditation in an interview a couple of years ago.  He said his meditation practice had given him a greater understanding of and appreciation for the Atonement. The act of sitting perfectly still and purposefully quieting your mind will bring up hidden thoughts within you, most probably of what is painful in your life and it forces you to make friends with that pain and learn whatever it was supposed to teach you.  That takes away it's negative power and its sting.  And the process of doing it acquaints you with the Lord in a whole different way as it gives you a glimpse of how He sat in the depths of human suffering and that makes it a little more relatable.

I pondered on this idea especially during the opening hymn, Nearer My God to Thee, at Stake Conference this morning.  The third verse begins:

There let the way appear,

Steps unto heav’n;

All that thou sendest me,

In mercy giv’n;

Maybe meditation is a gift He's given us to process the horrible things that life throws at us and progress above the struggles.  Stake President, Tim Harrast, made an especially appropriate comment in his address.  He was talking about Matthew 11:28-30 as an invitation to join Him in doing His work... and His work is us!

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Meatless Taco Casserole

My plan for today was meatloaf and a sweet potato casserole... but when I got home from PT, I was hurting and hungry and I had the ingredients to make something simpler and faster so I tried out this Pinterest-inspired dish instead.

My Pinterest-inspired casserole made with taco
seasonings and couscous in place of meat.

Off and on for the past year or so, I've been studying scripture known in my Church as the Word of Wisdom.  It's a kind of dietary law for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm not alone in wanting to truly understand not just what the Lord has commanded us to avoid (verses 1-9), but what He has provided for our nourishment (verses 10-17).  We are His design so it seems reasonable that He would know how to keep us in our best working condition...  And we are blessed for keeping this commandment in very specific ways (verses 18-21).

Some people who are on this path of study have taken the Word of Wisdom to the extreme of veganism.  And that's ok if it's what they feel called to do.  I have no criticism for their viewpoint.  But I don't share it.  That's another thing I really appreciate about the gospel:  we are asked to study all available information, ponder and pray to discern what's right, and then use our agency to decide for ourselves just how to implement a precept.

I don't believe we should live in a spiritual vacuum so there were some other scriptures that influenced how I'm implementing this.

Genesis 1:29 - dominion over earth (care for and manage its resources wisely)
Genesis 9:3 - every living thing is meat, even as the green herb
Leviticus 11:1-8 - these are the beasts which ye shall eat...
Romans 14:22 - don't condemn yourself for what you eat
Proverbs 3:8 - honor the Lord with what and how you eat
1 Corinthians 6:12  - all is lawful so long as it doesn't cause you to stumble
1 Timothy 4:3 - every creature is good; don't forbid but receive with thanksgiving

There were also some points made by wise and famous men that I admire and I considered them strongly.  A couple of examples:

"There is no question that the health of the body affects the spirit, or the Lord would never have revealed the Word of Wisdom… To a great extent we are physically what we eat. Most of us are acquainted with some of the prohibitions, such as no tea, coffee, tobacco, or alcohol. What needs additional emphasis are the positive aspects-the need for vegetables, fruits, and grains, particularly wheat. In most cases, the closer these can be, when eaten, to their natural state-without over refinement and processing-the healthier we will be. To a significant degree, we are an overfed and undernourished nation digging an early grave with our teeth, and lacking the energy that could be ours because we overindulge in junk foods…"  Ezra Taft Benson

"Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed."  Mahatma Gandhi

But I bet you're not here to learn the gospel according to Kathy...

My final words about it are that my choice is to focus my eating on fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains while making animal-based products take more of a condiment role.  So yes, I will still be eating a bit of bacon in my spinach salad and making scrambled eggs for breakfast and drizzling my toast with honey... I'm just focusing on making plant-based foods the star of the show.

And that was the point of making this recipe.  I was asking not just is it tasty enough for today's main course, but could it be a satisfying basis for tacos tomorrow?  I think, yes.  I had some today with a big green salad on the side.  Tomorrow I will use the leftover in a soft taco/burrito with some shredded lettuce, a slice of avocado, and a bit of shredded cheese all topped off with a drizzle of ranch dressing.  The couscous does not have quite the same texture as ground beef, but I found it perfectly acceptable for a taco filling.

Meatless Taco Casserole

Prepare 2 cups of whole wheat couscous as directed on package.  When cooked, transfer to a casserole dish, add 1 8 oz jar of mild or medium salsa, 1 packet of taco seasoning (or equivalent if you make your own - I will be when I get better situated!), 1 can black beans, drained (I forgot to add them this time... oops!), 1/4 cup Mrs. Dash, and 2 tsp cumin (optional).  Stir all together, top with about 1/2 cup shredded cheese.  Bake at 350F for 20-30 minutes or until heated through and cheese is melted.  Serve hot, either as a main dish casserole or with all the assorted ingredients that make a taco (or burrito) uniquely yours.

Happy eating!!

Couscous

It was new and unfamiliar.  Both as a food and as a word.  Couscous sounds suspiciously foreign...  That's my only excuse for letting that bag of couscous sit on the counter and stare at me for 2 weeks.  I let it intimidate me.

Until today...

Cooking it can't be easier!  You just bring 1 1/2 cups salted water to a boil in a medium saucepan, add a cup of couscous and turn down the heat, cover, and let simmer until all of the water is absorbed.  Seriously.  That's it.

I used that simmering time to cut up a big handful each of carrots, onion, celery, and tomato and tossed them into a waiting bowl.  Then I added a drained can of garbanzo beans and a nice sprinkle of feta cheese.  When the couscous was cooled, I scooped it into the bowl and added a couple of shakes of Mrs. Dash and Tony Chachere's Cajun Seasoning.  The final ingredient was about 1/2 cup of balsamic vinaigrette.  Then just toss it all together.

Light, fresh, and delicious!

Though I think it could benefit from cucumber and some torn mint leaves...

If you like pasta salad, you'll like this Couscous Salad.  Couscous, from what I can tell, is just a tiny pearl-shaped pasta.  It smells pleasantly wheaty while it cooks.

Still another time I think I'll go a different route with salad and use broccoli florets, dried cranberries, crumbled bacon, sliced almonds, feta, onions, and a raspberry vinaigrette. (Ken's Steak House makes a yummy one!)

Couscous is good for more than just salads, too.  A recipe I will only loosely follow makes a Tex-Mex casserole using black beans, salsa, and taco seasoning.  Top that with some cheese and bake for a hot dish.  That sounds pretty good to me for dinner one day next week!  I wonder if this would make an acceptable filling for vegetarian tacos or burritos?  Add some shredded lettuce and bit of guacamole to the tortilla...

Perhaps couscous will be more than a novelty in my new plant-based kitchen...

Unfat Kathy: Progress Notes

It hasn't been quite a week since embarking on the journey of an unfat Kathy, but already there's a bit of progress to report.

One of the things Katie (my PCP) asked me to do was either purchase a pedometer or download a step tracker app on my phone.  With no confidence at all my phone could handle it (it's pretty much junk), I started the download.  Surprise!!  It was successful!

Right now there's no official daily step goal.  The purpose is for me to learn just how much I walk during a day.  Or don't walk.  I think these numbers are cause to celebrate!  Much of the past 3 years, I was consigned to the space of 1 cushion on a broken down love seat in a house where I didn't want to be and wasn't wanted.  There were days I would bet I didn't take 50 steps... So a goal of 1,000 seemed like a challenging starting point.  I hit it on day 3 of using the tracker.

Day 1:  609
Day 2:  946
Day 3:  1,121

My revised personal goal is 2,500 steps each day for a week.  For my stubby little legs that equates to just barely more than a mile a day.

Another of my health goals is to get off as much medication as possible.  I have a thyroid supplement that I will be shackled to like a prisoner with a ball and chain for as long as I live.  But all the drugs they put on in the hospital last November are on the table to be eliminated.  And I am doing just that!  Warfarin is the most recent one to get the boot from my daily schedule.  Now there's only a blood pressure med to go!

I am not a willing pill taker.  Nor am I very good at it.  My philosophy is the only good pill is for someone else.

Katie wanted me to continue the Warfarin for an undefined "a while longer."  But I was just physically and mentally done with it.  I was perfectly compliant for the 90 days the hospital doctors, specialists in this sort of thing, had said was an adequate course of treatment.  And I was experiencing a lot of gastrointestinal distress with it.  That's not a really common side effect for Warfarin.  If you go digging through the drug literature it's pretty far down the list.  I'd researched and tested and there was nothing else in my daily routine to cause gas so painful that sometimes it had me doubled over and multiple times daily violent caustic diarrhea.  My poor bumhole was so raw and sore!  So I used my favorite word for doctors and said "no" to the suggestion of adding Immodium to my routine to control the side effect.  I don't take pills to manage what another pill is doing to me.  I swallowed the last pill on Thursday morning.  It takes a week for Warfarin to clear your body but already those icky issues are easing.  I took my first normal poop in weeks today!

Physical therapy is what Chris (the therapist) coined "pre-hab."  We are working on muscle strength and range of motion so that recovering from knee replacement surgery will be easier. This morning we discussed those goals and measured my progress.  The two big numbers the surgeon will look for when setting a date for the procedure are how straight I can get it and how far I can bend my knee.  Both are measured as degrees.  Zero is normal and desirable for a straight knee.  Basically, the back of your knee should touch the surface you are laying on.  And bent, 110 is optimal.  That degree of bend makes things like climbing stairs easy. We took baseline measurements at the assessment 2 weeks ago so today was my fifth session.

                                                Baseline                                  February 17
Flat                                              11                                               4
Bent                                             89                                              93


To me, these are milestone moments on the journey...

Eastward Ho!

The call of adventure had me antsy for the road again today.  I tried so hard to stay put and take care of domestic chores, but I just couldn't get my mind and heart off the need to go.  So my intrepid road warriors and I headed eastward for Hancock, MD.  It's a place I've seen Main Street as a passenger in someone else's car a handful of times so it seemed like a good jumping-off point to start today's explorations.

Photo from Hagerstown Magazine.
Today these rocks were covered in ice that looks like
a curtain of flat icicles.  The Rest Area is just around
the bend.

First, we had to pull off for a potty break at Sideling Hill.  All this time I thought it was just a good spot for a Rest Area... but it has a history.  There was a Civil War battle there on what's known as the Gettysburg Campaign.  I got the boys out to take care of their business.  They were so intoxicated by all the unfamiliar smells they almost forgot to get their legs lifted...  And then I went to take care of my need and saw the historic marker explaining more about the battle.  There's also a Vietnam Memorial I want to take time to explore one day and some of those pay-per-view binoculars that let you look out over the many layers of blue-tinted hillsides.

Just off Main Street in the center of Hancock, you'll find this
access point for the Rail Trail and a section of the Chesapeake
& Ohio Canal National Historical Park.  Looking uphill from
the driveway, you see St. Thomas Lutheran Church that was
used as an Army hospital during the Civil War. It was such
an important establishment to the Union Army that they
fortifications to surround it during the Confederate invasion.

Sideling Hill is only 30-some odd miles away but even at freeway speed, it felt like it took forever to get there!  Hancock is just a quick 8 miles further.  It marks the end of I-68/beginning of I-70.  We cruised down Main Street with me taking note of the many antique stores.  Oh for the time and money and place to put all the treasures I'm sure I could find!  Our first stop was a central access point to the Rail Trail built on the abandoned rail right of way which ran parallel to an even earlier mode of moving goods to market, the C&O Canal and its towpath for the men and animals that pulled the barges along.  193 miles of the Canal and towpath, running from Cumberland to Washington DC, are under the protection of the National Park System and known as the Chesapeake & Ohio Canal National Historical Park.

Hancock Visitor's Center,
Chesapeake & Ohio Canal National
Historical Park.

A bit farther up the road, you'll find this old mansion right on the bank of the Upper Potomac River that now serves as the Hancock Visitor's Center.  Parking was a bit far to leave the dogs in the car and the gate was only half-open so it was foot traffic only today.  And the dogs were so naughty that I wasn't about to walk them up there!  Everywhere I got them out of the car, they had no manners that are good... it was pull and strain and cry and circle around my legs like obnoxious little maniacs.  More than once I told them I didn't want them along on future adventures if this is how they're going to act.

Just about a mile past the Visitor's Center, there's a store that I've wanted to stop at as long as I've been in Maryland.  But I was always in a rush or I was the passenger and so it never happened until today.  I made a stop at the Blue Goose Market!  They have a fun selection of merchandise, local wines, gourmet canned goods, and their own bakery!  It's pricy.  But so worth the stop...  For a treat tonight, I picked up a caramel pecan sticky bun that's as big as my outstretched hand.

Entrance to the Blue Goose Market.  You can't tell from
my photo, but the flag in the background is huge.  From
the road, it looks as big as some houses!

For our final stop, I decided to make a short side-trip to see what's the big deal about Berkeley Springs.  The sign said it was only 8 miles into West Virginia... The claim to fame is the public baths.  I think they were once marketed as having some sort of healing properties because they are fed from warm mineral springs.  The town also hosts an International Water Tasting event.  I might just have to look into that more!  Again, I passed lots of antique shops and one with the windows full of handblown glass.  I also caught a glimpse of a giant cat's head painted on the side of an old house and a sign that said Cat Cafe and that you could adopt.  I think lunch with the felines is in order.

Warmer weather, a few dollars to spend, and an early start to the day... Hancock and Berkley Springs both deserve a deeper exploration!  And I think I'll get a sitter and leave the dogs home...

An Unfat Kathy

They say every journey begins with a single step.

After a couple of reschedules on the appointment, today I took that first step on getting to be an unfat Kathy and sat down to talk about it with my doctor.

Well, actually she's a nurse practitioner.  And she's a fellow fat Kathy.  Almost.  She's a fat Katie.  She had Bariatric Surgery and then, all in the same year, she went back to school to advance her degree, got married, and moved from Pittsburgh to Cumberland.  And with all that stress, she gained most of the weight back.  I like that she not only knows the struggle, but she's right there in the trenches with me.  It feels like a whole different ballgame than when a skinny person is cheering you on...

I wasn't quite sure what to expect today, but it seems that in the beginning there's a lot of mental working out.  I came home with about 20 pages of 'homework' to fill out reflectively.

And it jumped right into the hard stuff.

The first thing was to complete a chart.  On the left side, it lists a series of weight ranges and across the bottom age groupings.  The task was to make an "x" for low and high weight in each age grouping and then draw a line connecting the dots.  Basically, it would be a Line Chart if you were doing it in Excel.  Next, you look at each point where the line is trending upward and add a note about the major events happening in your life then.  It was eye-opening to see the correlation between some big traumatic events and big weight gains.

For example, when I got my tonsils out (at age 29) I was raped at the hospital.  Whoever was taking me from the operating room to the recovery ward made a stop along the way and pushed the stretcher into the closed for the day pre-op area where you get undressed, meet the anesthesiologist, make the mark on what part they're operating on, and that kind of stuff.  I was in and out of consciousness... the paralytic drugs from surgery were still in effect so I couldn't move and I couldn't scream.  I remember dark eyes and black eyebrows between the green cap and mask.  And that I went home gooey and bruised far from where your tonsils are located.  That's when my hatred and distrust of all things medical-related began...  Almost to the day the following year I had to have a thyroidectomy.  I was so freaked out about being put under anesthesia that I postponed it 7 times.  That very frustrated surgeon kept asking me questions until I told him what bits and flashes I remembered.  He went many extra steps to assure me that I was safe in his hands.  And even then it took a truckload of Valium to get me to the hospital!  Then the cyst he thought he was removing wasn't a cyst at all... there were so many tiny tumors in the gland that it couldn't be saved.  He tried all day. My waking memory is him yelling into my eyeball that it was cancer, but "it's the good kind."

As if there's ever a good kind of cancer.

Between those traumas and the hell that hypothyroidism unleashes in your body, how could my body mass not balloon rapidly?  A few years later, add care of a parent suffering from a slow spiraling descent into dementia...  Then my knees started to go out and people around me didn't believe me when I said I was in pain and made jokes about it.  And there's the past 3-4 years that I'm just not ready to talk about yet.  Each experience was horrific in and of itself. And each used the trauma, fear, and distrust ingrained from previous events as a foundation for a more distorted image of myself.

Now begins the process of undoing that damage, both the physical and the mental...

I'm not sure yet what tools we'll use.  There are a number of surgical procedures that are an option as well as several different kinds of drugs and some heavy-duty lifestyle changes.  Stick with the journey and find out!

A Fish in Murky Water

I thought this was a profound little proverb.  Then I went searching for the picture a friend had included in a collage and learned it's less Zen and more pop culture... but it's still a profound idea.  The quote actually comes from the movie Bulletproof Monk but it's based on a passage in the Ts’ai Ken T’an (translates as Vegetable Root Discourses) compiled by Hong Zicheng during the time of the Ming Dynasty (1368 to 1644) in China.  The actual quote from that text:  "Soil that is dirty grows the countless things. Water that is clear has no fish. Thus as a mature person, you properly include and retain a measure of grime. You can’t just go along enjoying your own private purity and restraint (Robert Aitken translation)."

I guess that means I've achieved some measure of maturity because sometimes I am pretty grimy!  And sometimes I find myself swimming in murky waters...

This week is a good example.  I've been mysteriously annoyed by everything.  Seriously!!  I mean everything annoys me.  Everything! Little things that should be no big deal get to me and I even realize right as I'm getting annoyed that they are tiny and of no consequence.  So do big things that are a big deal.  I've had to make a lot of phone calls.  And every last one of them has annoyed me.  Even more so when I get put on hold and have to listen to insipid hold music or an endless reel of repeating advertisements. And in that state of mind, I've snapped at people.  I've been pushy almost to the point of bullying.  I've used unkind, some might even say vulgar, words about the general populace of Cumberland, Maryland.

I realized I was getting out of hand and silenced myself in person and on social media.

And I've said I'm sorry.

The thing about ugly words... once they are out of your mouth, the damage is done.  You can't do some sort of magical backwards breathe and suck them back inside you.  They are out there in the universe and whatever ripple effect there is has begun.  You get the consequence.  Some people call that Karma.  Some talk about the universe reflecting back on you.  This has been a week in my quest to learn how to be happy again that's just knocked me on my butt and I haven't reacted well to the resistance in getting what I want.

I also know that I'm my own worst critic.  And I'm trying to incorporate compassion for myself into how I look at life and what I have accomplished.  It's hard.  I fail often.  But I always try again to change that internal dialogue.  I'm trying to believe that I deserve better.  And maybe more importantly, that I can have better.  In all my grimy glory, I can be better because my imperfections, impurities, and the murky water I sometimes find myself in all provide a fertile field for growth!

The Amish Cook Does Frogmore Stew

That little dish I picked up on yesterday's adventure came wrapped in a section of year-old newspaper.  The only possible name I can find on it, Weekender, seems unlikely especially since it's dated Thursday, January 24, 2019.

There's a regular column called The Amish Cook authored by Gloria Yoder and on this day she's telling the tale of Frogmore Stew.  Her picture and recipe are intriguing... and the story about how she was first introduced to the dish is cute.  The editor notes that it's more commonly known as a Low Country Boil and is an example of how non-traditional foods find their ways into unexpected kitchens and become family favorites.

I can't wait to try this!

FROGMORE STEW

Broth:
1 cup ketchup
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup vinegar
3 oz pkg of your favorite crab boil (I like Zatarain's but this is Old Bay country....)
3/4 cup salt
2 tsp black pepper
16 cups of water

Stew:
6 lbs chicken breasts or tenders
5 lbs link sausage (I'd pick Andouille or a smoked sausage ring and cut it into pieces)
2 lbs shrimp
12  unpeeled potato wedges (or as many new potatoes as you want)
1 1/2 lbs baby carrots (or big ones cut into 2-inch pieces)
18 cobbettes of corn
1-2 green peppers, chunked
2 12 oz pkgs of button mushrooms
3 lg onions cut into wedges

Leave burner on high at all times.  Bring broth to a boil and cook for 30 minutes.  Add potatoes and carrots and cook for 10 minutes.  Add sausage and cook for 10 minutes.  Add chicken and cook for 20 minutes.  Add mushrooms, onions, and corn and cook for 10 minutes.  Add shrimp and peppers and cook for 5 more minutes.  Turn burner off and let sit for 5 minutes.  Drain liquid and serve immediately by dumping onto the center of your table (or on a big cookie sheet placed on the table).  Have dipping sauces available.

Ms. Yoder suggests catsup, barbeque sauce, sour cream, and ranch dressing.  I might add cocktail sauce and horseradish infused mayonnaise to her list...

In her story, she tells of being a young woman working at an Amish store and being invited to the boss' house for dinner.  They only told her the meal was Frogmore Stew and she was curious but also a little worried it was made from frogs...  When she arrived, she was shown to their dining room where the table had been expanded to accommodate several guests along with the family and was covered with a plastic cloth.  She noticed that there were no plates set, only napkins and forks... After a prayer of thanks, she watched in wide-eyed fascination as they dumped several piles of drained vegetables, chicken, sausages, and shrimp right onto the table!  Dips were passed around and each person dobbed the ones they wanted on the table in front of them and then used their fork to stab a morsel from the pile, dip it, and enjoy.

The dish made such an impression that she and her parents made it for a visit from her out-of-state boyfriend (and later husband).  Maybe it's the dish that won his heart?

Well, you know... Valentine's Day is coming right up!!

Where The Road Took Us

When I got up this morning, I felt in need of an adventure. This probably isn't the brightest move since every time I take Nelly out on the road I have a niggling worry if she'll make the trip or die somewhere along the way. But I did it anyway. I took the doggies and stopped for gas and then we went wherever the road took us. All my stops were unplanned but quite wonderful!

Somehow we ended up on Rt. 28 in Wiley Ford, WV. (Confession: I thought Wiley Ford was an auto/truck dealership the first time I saw the words in a newspaper but it's less car and more wading across the river kind of ford.) We followed this road as far as it goes. I stopped to check out the discount grocer that's out there and got couscous, salsa verde, canned beans, and some cheese that was on sale. We went on through Short Gap and other places with names that I'm sure must have stories like Hanging Rock and Loom. When we got to Romney, I drove around looking for a bathroom... Thank the Lord for the region's abundance of Sheetz! And instead of getting headed toward home, I made a wrong turn and we were on the way to Winchester, VA. It's a pretty drive, even on a day as dreary and gray and wet as this first of February. Sometime after crossing the Little Cacapon River, I found a place to turn around.

Photo courtesy of bridgehunter.com.
The John Blue Bridge crosses the South Branch of the Potomac River.
John Blue was an early settler in the area, arriving in 1725.

Even in the drizzling rain, I took the opportunity to stop at every historic marker (except the couple of them where it wasn't safe to pull over), thrift store, and interesting looking wide spot in the road! Right after we crossed the decidedly green John Blue Bridge I learned about the Civil War skirmishes fought over the railroad line at Camp Washington and the Wire Bridge Engagement.










We went by the places where even earlier forts stood... Fort Forman, Fort Sellers, Fort Ashby, and coming home, Fort Cumberland. Each has an interesting history that I'd never heard of before living here.

Photo courtesy of Potomac Eagle Facebook page.
Two of the engines that pull the Potomac Eagle Excursion
Train that runs from Wappacomo Station to Petersburg.

We kept passing brown tourist signs for an Excursion Train and finally went past Wappacomo Station where you could board the Potomac Eagle.

One of the markers I couldn't pull over to read more than the name, Oriskany Sand, marks a specific sandstone formation where more than a million cubic feet of gas has been produced.

It's marked California Pottery
but it reminded me, both in color
and shape, of some of the Homer Laughlin
china lines.  I'm using it as a spoon rest.
This is my 52 cent treasure from the
Augusta, WV Goodwill!

Coming homeward, a bathroom break was again making its need known... I pulled into a little strip mall in Augusta and thought maybe I can find one in Goodwill while I see if they have anything interesting.  They had something interesting... but it was the Burger King across the parking lot that saved the day!!



I saw lots of places today that beg for more exploration! Stonewall Jackson's headquarters, Indian Mound Cemetery (where we saw a gravestone with the captivating epitaph "Dead yet Speaketh"), and the site of Blue's Gap Battle are on the list.

Now, we are back and I've made Jambalaya for dinner (mental note: get Zatarain's next time!). Now to settle in for the night and plan for future adventures!

Reflections on a Sad and Lonely Man

** Names and identifying details have been changed to preserve the privacy of everyone involved. **

This is a cautionary tale of how to not live your life...

Last week the friend of a friend had a heart attack and died while he was in the midst of diabetes-related dialysis treatment.  Let's call the newly deceased John and our mutual friend Rachel.  Because John has very little family anywhere, and none within several hundred miles of where he lived, he'd asked Rachel to act on his behalf if he were ever too incapacitated to do it himself.  That was several years ago and until his sudden and unexpected death, she'd never been called on to make decisions of this import for him or anyone else.  And it's been hard!

She's had to negotiate to get the body released from the hospital, get the funeral home to cremate his body (his expressed wish) with only a weak promise of payment (no life insurance), cancel his apartment lease and utilities, and, today, clean out his few worldly belongings and put them in storage until his family can come and claim what they want.  Rachel told me John left behind one big basket of clothes and "they are dirty and not in good shape at all" so she's going to just throw them all away.  Later in our conversation, she added: "I think he had more socks than any other clothes."  Rachel listed a couch, love seat, bookcase, 4 end tables, a coffee table, 2 kitchen chairs, a folding table, a 3-drawer filing cabinet, an electric wheelchair, and a hospital bed as the rest of his possessions.  "That's it.  That's all he had in his life.  No papers.  No clutter.  No nothing."  For food, she said he had several packages of Ramen and a few Mom's Meals in the freezer.  (Mom's Meals are pre-packaged frozen meals delivered directly to elderly and disabled folks as one of the options they can choose from for community supports.)

On the one hand, I'm awestruck at the simplicity in which John survived.  Not having many possessions to care for is appealing in some ways.  At the same time, it makes me terribly sad that a life, any life, can be summed up this way.  And, yes, I am painfully aware of the implications it holds for me and the loneliness I often feel.

Rachel feels guilty for not being a better friend and spending more time with him and making sure he had food and nice things.  But John chose to let his disability isolate him.  He chose to keep his social circle very small.  And since the only picture I've ever seen has him glaring like he's about to snap the photo taker's head off... I can only surmise he spent a lot of time lonely and angry.  Loneliness can do that to you - you don't want people around you and at the same time resent them for not being there, for having lives of their own, for seeking happiness without you.  Loneliness can do a number on your emotional health that doesn't make sense unless you've personally experienced the depths of that dark sadness.

So my caution is this:  Take a moment to reflect on your life and how you want to be remembered.  Is a short list of temporal things in bad repair enough?  What legacy do you want to leave behind?

Lehi's Dream: What's In It For Me?

Over the past couple of years my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, has undergone some major shifts. The doctrine is the same, but some of the details about how we practice it have changed very much.  We've gone from a 3-hour block of Sunday meetings to a 2-hour block and began to shift responsibility for learning the gospel to the home.  Instead of going to church to learn God's word and plan home activities to support those lessons, now what happens at church is to support the lessons learned at home.  It sounds good but I've struggled to make it happen in my own life.

This year I'm working hard on creating a better me, both in body and spirit, and I was thinking about what I was doing differently at the time in my life when I was the happiest. I realized the depth of my commitment to my spiritual practice has slipped.  Badly.  Since we are still pretty early in the year, I decided I'd try harder and that I'd catch up to the current Come Follow Me curriculum.  The discussion/lesson I just finished was intended for the week running January 13-19.  It's about Lehi's Dream in the Book of Mormon.  The reading is 1 Nephi 8-10.

Lehi is a prophet who lived in Jerusalem about 600 years before Jesus Christ was born.  God commanded him in a dream to leave with his family and seek a promised land before Jerusalem fell and many Jews were carried off as Babylonian slaves.  He did.  And just like in our families some of the kids grumbled and rebelled while others believed in his words and obeyed.  God used them all to accomplish His purposes.  After this little family has been wandering in the wilderness for a period of time, Lehi has another vision.

Lehi's vision of the Tree of Life by Steven Neal

He sees a tree in the distance with the most glorious fruit; fruit that is so delicious and satisfying that he describes it as highly desirable.  To get to the tree, you must grab hold of an iron rod to guide you along a narrow path. If you let go, there are mists of darkness where you will get lost and a dirty roiling river where you will drown if you fall in. Lehi, after he's tasted the fruit, wants all of his family to partake as well but his two rebellious oldest sons choose not to grab hold of the rod and follow the path to get to the tree.  Lehi also sees endless throngs of people pressing forward; some of them find the path, some wander off into darkness, some drown, and some reject the gift after they've sampled it.  There's even a 'great and spacious building' without a foundation where naysayers have gathered to scoff at those who are on the path to the tree or have made it and tasted but have doubts.

The account of his vision is full of symbolism that applies to being a believer in today's world of ridiculing unbelievers.  The fruit is God's love, the iron rod is the scriptures whose message guides us in our journey back to God, the mists and river are the temptations to do things we know we shouldn't...  But there's also a very individual message to every person who studies it.  We are all there as part of that endless throng.  And so it offers an invitation to reflect on just where you are in your journey.

If I'm honest, and I am, I've become way too casual in how I'm making my journey.  Along this path, I've stopped to sit on the rocks alongside it for a long rest.  And I've backtracked a few times to hang out with a different set of friends.  I've hooked my pinkie finger around the iron rod and leaned way out over the chasm of the filthy river just to see what it looked like.  Heck, I've probably spun round and round on it like a kid on monkey bars a few times.  My path looks nothing like what the words "strait and narrow" bring to mind... but more like one that weaves and winds wildly, grows faint in spots, and is blocked by huge boulders in other places.  This is a good time to reign that in and rest my soul in the simplicity of following a clearly marked path.

Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "To me, the gospel is not a great mass of theological jargon.  It is a simple and beautiful and logical thing, with one quiet truth following another in orderly sequence.  I do not fret over the mysteries.  I do not worry whether the heavenly gates swing or slide.  I am only concerned that they open."

That it's simple and beautiful and logical really resonates with me... it's a good description of the criteria I'm using to rebuild my life.

Brownies With That Delectable Edge

Copper Chef Divided Brownie Pan

I got a new-to-me divided brownie pan out thrift store shopping a couple of weeks ago. I knew the brand was quality and I love the idea that every brownie in the pan can have 4 crispy edges so it just begged for a new home and someone to love it. 
You know.  Someone like... ME!

Then I Googled it and found out it should be more than just the pan and dividers. There should also be a lift-out tray.

Sigh. Inward whine.

The dividers are removable so you can adjust portion sizes.
And everything has a non-stick cerami-tech coating so
food doesn't stick!

A few more sighs and whines and I was feeling somewhat less enthusiastic about my purchase.  It was a good week before I finally got it all washed up and ready to use. And guess what? I do have the lift-out tray!  I just couldn't see it under the dividers.  I've waited and waited for the perfect opportunity to make brownies.  If there wasn't an "event" to share them, it would only take a day or two for me to eat every last one.  And I don't need that much chocolate... or sugar... or calories...

Now the recipe is nothing special.  It's 2 boxes of Betty Crocker mix and the oil, water, and eggs it calls for on the back of the box.  (The pan is 15 1/2 X 9 1/2 so two don't even fill it generously!) What is special is how the dividers create that slightly crispy from the side of the baking pan edge on every side of every single brownie!!

I think I'll sample that little one up in the
top corner that got a little shorted on batter...

I better eat one now!  Quality assurance and all... Plus I have a sneaking suspicion they'll go fast at the Linger Longer after church tomorrow.

The best video I found about using the pan was put out by QVC in 2017 when they were selling them (with a lid - I want... whine!) for close to $30.  In it, they give some other ideas of food to cook in the pan like lasagna, shepherd's pie, quiche, and meatloaf.  Put the divider in after the dish is cooked and... perfect portions!  For my brownies, I used all the dividers so it made 18.  For these other dishes, I'd pull some out so it makes 9 servings.

Brownies are a hit! What shall I make next?

Even Cornbread Has A History

If there were a clear career path that supplied a living wage, I would become a Culinary Historian for the final chapter of my career life.  But there's not so the history and cultural meaning of food will remain a hobby that fascinates me...

A while back there was a 'placed post' (aka advertisement) in my Facebook feed from The New York Times that got my attention.  It was titled, The True Story Behind Your Thanksgiving Cornbread.  Now I don't know about you, but I don't reserve my cornbread eating for just Thanksgiving... I like it.  And I'll eat it anytime I get the chance.  Always have, always will.  And I've heard the whole spiel about adding sugar makes it into corn cake.  Whatever!  I'm Southern by adoption and I like a little bit of sweetness in mine so I'm not even entertaining that argument.

The article, though, captivated me.  It took a page from a newish cookbook by Toni Tipton-Martin, "Jubilee: Recipes From Two Centuries of African American Cooking" about the roots of cornbread.  In it, she shares that cornbread stuffing, a Thanksgiving staple to be sure, is a memory dish; an attempt by West African slaves to recreate a dish from their homeland called Kusha.  And today's recipes are a kind of homage to that heritage.  Ms. Tipton-Martin continues, pointing out that as slaves were freed, they founded communities and opened businesses, including eating establishments where recipes were transformed by the locally available foods and trends of the day.  And that's how humble cornbread was transformed into such dishes as corn pone, griddle cakes, spoonbread, corn muffins, hoecake, and hushpuppies. Today we see the fusion influences of the American Southwest and Tex-Mex foods when we include such ingredients as whole kernel corn, cheddar cheese and green chiles in our cornbread.

I've put in a request with my local library for "Jubilee: Recipes From Two Centuries of African American Cooking" and I can hardly wait to see what else I learn!

Cornbread made up as muffins.

In the meantime, here's my recipe for cornbread that I based on a bread recipe on the wrapper of an old-time hot cereal named Germaid.  (And yes, when I'm going to use it in stuffing I leave out the sugar, well at least most of it, and it is wonderful when made with crumbled bacon, cheddar cheese chunks and either green chiles or finely chopped jalapeno!)

Kathy's Cornbread

1 cup corn meal
1 cup flour
1/2 cup sugar
4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
1 cup milk
1 cube margarine, softened

Mix together to form a stiff batter.  This is enough batter for a 9" round cake pan or my favorite 9" cast iron skillet.  It's also just right for 12 muffins.  Bake at 400F until golden brown on top.

Today's Crisis Taught Me That I'm 'Neurotic'

Today's little crisis that sent me searching through online research for ways to fix myself has, in all honesty, been building up to this moment for a long time.  The most immediate trigger being tomorrow's appointment with an orthopedic specialist because I have what they call advanced degenerative arthritis in my right knee.  The same right knee that I've been complaining about for more years than I can even remember.  The same right knee that every previous doctor has said the only thing wrong with it is I'm too damned fat.

I don't want to be fat.  I've tried endlessly not to be fat.  But here we are at an utter impasse:  I am still too damned fat.

And I'm not too proud to tell you about the negative effects this has on me.

• It means that every doctor I see grabs for the prescription pad.  Well, ok... they rush to today's electronic version of a prescription pad.  There's a pill for blood pressure. There's a pill for pain.  There's a pill for depression.  Sometimes it seems like there's a pill they want to prescribe just because there's a pill!  And my internal psyche interprets every single one of them as further evidence that I am defective.
• It means I can never buy clothes that are cute.  No one even expects it of me; I think they are just happy that I can find something to keep all the blubber covered.
• It means my job prospects are limited.  Limited not just because my knee is so worn out that I can't bear to walk or stand on it for more than a few minutes at a time, but there are places my body mass can't squeeze into (not that that is all bad... most of those tight little spaces would be in fast food establishments and ewww! Lord, no!!)
• It means my recreational opportunities are limited, again not just from the crapped out knee but also because it takes a lot of huffing and puffing to even go shopping.  A hike would kill me!  And many activities come with weight restrictions to keep machinery functioning safely.  So there are thousands of things I would love to do, but simply cannot.
• It makes me feel ugly and unattractive.  I've got classes coming up that require posting videos of myself which my instructors and fellow students will watch and respond to.  That's terrifying!

So... I look horrible.  I feel physically awful most of the time.  And the only time I don't feel bad emotionally is when I'm asleep.

More than one person has hinted they think I'm depressed.  I don't think so, or, if I am I contend that sometimes depression is an appropriate response when life continually throws one to the wolves.  Willing to explore the idea, though, I followed several links and ended up reading a  Psychology Today article titled Four Kinds of Depression and Self-Hate that might shed some clues into what's malfunctioning inside my head.  It says that in neurotic depression the conflict is internal and it's like you are moving "through life as if you are a short-tempered nanny with an ugly or annoying baby. Your depressive lens for interpreting the reactions of other people makes you want them to agree with you that the baby is an intolerable burden."

That analogy is so spot on that it made me pause and blink.  More than a few times, even.  But the next paragraph is the one that made me cry...

"When others treat you well, you resent it, like a nanny watching the usually inconsolable baby cooing in someone else’s arms. If a therapist suggests you treat yourself better, it enrages you, because it implies that this is your fault and not a natural reaction to the little brat you happen to be saddled with. You want the therapist to give the baby a sedative."

In another article, Psychology Today suggests cognitive behavioral therapy and practicing mindfulness may help one become less neurotic over time.  And in still another, this one titled Mindfulness, they accentuate the positive aspects of living in active, open attention to the present; of observing your thoughts and feelings without judging them as either good or bad.  I think they may have forgotten the big one, at least in how it all relates to me and my crisis moment:  just suck it up and deal with the problem.

More about that in a moment.

I wanted to tell you about my path to these self-reflections, even they aren't altogether kind, because there's some really good material to read if you are also quietly trying to work on yourself.  It all started when I clicked into a Marc and Angel article that was shared on Facebook: 20 Things to Start Doing in Your Relationships.  #1 made me realize that sometimes I am that negative person I need to stop hanging out with.  Then I jumped over to a linked article:  9 Things it’s Not Too Late to Start Doing for Yourself.  This time it was #2 that sent me to Google 'core values' and that led me to My 2016 Integrity Report.  The content is good but it's the well-explained thought process that really provides the value.

So about me being too damned fat... I made an appointment with my doctor to see what medical interventions might be available because nothing I've done on my own has helped even a little bit.  Here's to whatever adventure Tuesday launches!

HLC Restaurantware

If you read about  The Gawd Awful yesterday, you might have noticed the cute little platter I served myself on.  I have 2 of them and they found their way into my kitchen as new-to-me pieces just a couple of days ago.  I picked them up at an independent thrift store... 2 tiny platters for $1.  I probably would have paid more since I'd already seen the marking on the back for the Homer Laughlin China Company but the dollar made me feel like I'd made a real thrifting score!



This purchase both thrilled and intrigued me.  I wasn't quite sure yet what I'd picked up, but with that mark, I was pretty sure I couldn't go too far wrong.  And besides, I need a few plates.  And these are tiny and cute...  And they called my name, saying "I must go home with you!"

Just to give you a sense of the size, I picked up a McDonald's straw that was handy (don't judge; I was in the car and it hasn't been cleaned out... in a while) and laid it lengthwise.  The straw is just slightly longer than the platter!  They truly are tiny!!

I knew the brand because I'm a small-time collector of Fiesta with dreams of having enough to set a table for 8 with all the serving pieces, too.  But like I said at the beginning, I didn't really know what I'd just picked up so I asked about them in an HLC enthusiast group on Facebook.  That's where a more veteran collector confirmed that it's Restaurantware, sometimes called Hospitalityware since it is sold broadly to both hotels and restaurants all around the United States.  It's known for its durability.  But I did have to chuckle when someone commented that they were "sturdy" and meant for daily use.

Well, I do believe in using the nice things I collect.  And in-between times when it's being used on the table, I will proudly display it with my Fiesta (which I also use!) even if it is kind of like the red-headed stepchild whose Momma came from the wrong side of the tracks!

The Gawd Awful

My version of The Gawd Awful

On the occasional Saturday morning when I lived in Salt Lake, I'd go out to breakfast at this tiny, quaint... urrrrrrr ok, you got me.  It was a nasty dive bar.  But they served a full breakfast-lunch-dinner menu so it didn't seem quite so bad. Catering to college student's desire for cheap food and beer, Big Ed's was right across from President's Circle at the U of U.  By the time I was frequenting the joint, Ed was long gone having sold it to a very animated and often angry Asian woman and her shy and sullen son. One of their breakfast specials was a dish they named 'The Gawd Awful.' And that's usually what I ordered... a plate of cheesy hashbrowns smothered in a big scoop of chili and topped with 2 eggs, sour cream and (usually) chopped green onion.  And then I settled in to watch the show.

A visit to Big Ed's was always entertaining.  Another friend remembers going there with her class under the auspices that they were "studying,' i.e. talking social theory until the professor was too tipsy to speak coherently.  And that's usually when someone would provoke the Asian lady and she'd start cussing and lapsing in and out of very broken English and what I think might have been Vietnamese.  Soaking wet bar towels would go flying across the room making a loud thwap when they found a target, either intentional or an unfortunate casualty.  At least once, I saw her use one to smack her son side of the head.  And then almost as quickly as it started the whirlwind calmed and she was playing the dysfunctional mom/friend to anyone who looked like they needed a bit of motherly care or bad advice.

I'm not quite sure what brought that memory up but today I made my version of The Gawd Awful for breakfast.  There's a few ingredients and steps but it's really pretty easy.  Start with a large portion of crisply cooked hashbrowns.  They can be shredded or the country-style cubes like I used, whatever you prefer.  When they are ready and all plated up, cover with grated cheese and dip a ladle of chili con carne over the top.  Next, add an egg cooked as you like.  I scrambled mine (and mixed them right into the potatoes at the beginning) this time but in the cafe, I usually asked for them over medium.  Finally, garnish with a dollop of sour cream and, if you like them and have some handy, a sprinkle of chopped green onion.  And there you have it:  The Gawd Awful in all it's dive bar glory!