Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Blue Ones Really Do Crack Easier

A few days ago, a friend at work handed me this goofy little story. I chuckled and passed it along to my friends all over the country. Then... unexpectedly I was confronted with a bowl of plain M&Ms. Come on, you know you'd try it, too!

Here's the story:

M&M Genetics

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one cracks and splinters. That one is the "loser" and I eat it immediately, weeding out the inferior genes. The "winner" gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:

M&M Mars
A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503

along with a 3X5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the true champion. There can be only one.

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