Friday, March 8, 2013

Seeking Stillness

You may have noticed that I've been pretty quiet the past few days.

I wish I could tell you in that time I've found that sense of mindful stillness we all seek occasionally to unwind from the cares the world thrusts at us.  I wish I could say I'd been able to meditate and just be still for awhile.  But that wouldn't be true at all.  Mind and body have been far from still.

We heard back from the seller that the chimney isn't posing any threat to the structural integrity of the house and he agreed to make the repairs we asked for so all systems are GO on the house-buying front.  That's comforting and stressful all at the same time.  We have another walk through to be sure all is truly okay sometime this coming week.

And with that news I've been hard at work scraping together enough nickels to complete the transaction.  This has been a major stress but I am trying my best to trust that the universe holds abundance for me.  And it seems to be coming together just in the nick of time for our scheduled March 22 closing date.

If I could land a job in the next few days life would be complete.

Or at least back on track.

For all the great plans Derek and I made, not a single one has come to fruition in the way we thought.  The path has been long and winding with twists and turns I couldn't have ever foreseen.  Several times the goal has been in sight only to be seemingly yanked out of reach.  It's been hard to not get completely disheartened.

So I think it's safe to say life has been far from peaceful.

Not that it's been all bad.  There's been many moments of happiness, too.  We've worked together to accomplish a lot.

I'd call it chaotic bliss.

But still I seek that calm, that only comes in the moments when you can truly settle your mind and simply be still.  Maybe after we move and unpack and...

At Church, one of my favorite hymns is Be Still, My Soul.  It was written by Katharina von Schlegel (who was born in 1697!) and translated by Jane Borthwick.  Yes, it's a very old hymn.  But I'm Mormon and we tend to like the old hymns...
Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
If you'd like to hear it sung by Alex Boye' click here and just relax while you look at this picture of one of my favorite happy places.  I like to escape to Swan Valley's summer sunrises, even if it's only in my mind, when the stress gets to be a bit much. This is just how I picture "my private Idaho!"

Photo:  Swan Valley Sunrise by my childhood friend, Dana Mallard.
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