Prayer Beads?

A couple of weeks ago I went to a garage sale where an older gentleman was selling the last of his wife's jewelry as she had passed away a year or so ago and they had no children to take it.  I picked up a little packet of unusual beads for $1.  When I got home and unpackaged them for a closer look, they were part of a necklace or possibly a crucifix since there is a copper cross attached to the one end.  The strand is broken but there's a good number of beads and I've been pondering what to do with them ever since.

My first thought was some kind of art display for these oh-so-bare walls.  But how to accomplish that?  Then a friend suggested stringing them for a bookmark in my Bible.  I'm still uncertain if I want to do that but I do like the idea of being able to touch them because they have such a unique feel when you hold them in your hands that's both pleasant and disturbing.  I like the elements of irony and contrast and surprise in jewelry and decor.

Besides the cross, there are 8 of these skulls.  Each is approximately the size of my small fingernail and they are VERY primitively carved.  No two are the same and some barely resemble a skull while others look very much like one.  The material feels like polished bone or possibly ivory.  There's probably a simple way to tell the difference and I'll feel silly for questioning it once I find out...  The other beads are a little smaller than pony beads and either dark brown or black glass.

When I came to the cross, I was stumped.  Why would skulls be part of a religious item?  Turns out I was again woefully undereducated.  Skulls have a long history of symbolism in religious art as a reminder of the transitory nature of our life here on earth and the certainty of our physical death.  Very old paintings of saints such as Mary Magdalene, Jerome and St. Francis of Assisi often included a depiction of them meditating over a skull.  Some pictures of Jesus' crucifixion show a skull over the cross presumably as a reminder that He could not rise again and offer us resurrection and salvation without first experiencing death.  And more than a few religions have been known to keep a human skull on the premises for their members to use as an aid to meditation.  It seems a little macabre to me considering the squeaky-clean image of a very nice father-figure God most of modern Christianity holds but a Google search shows that skull prayer beads are pretty widely available today and appeal to a variety of faiths.

This description for a set of Buddhist mala beads was interesting:  "...Buddhists integrated Tibetan skull images into malas to represent the brevity of life and the restrictions of human understanding.  Skull-shaped mala beads help chanters [consider] the inevitability of fatality and the requirement of accepting lives filled with empathy."  (Source: http://www.slideshare.net/panoramicnun5041/what-is-the-meaning-of-skull-prayer-beads).

I find it fascinating when looking at world religions just how much we all have in common.  And this is another example... that our earthly life is short and, while we don't understand everything we are here to do, we are to be compassionate and helpful to others on this journey.

While the idea of using the beads in meditation is appealing, a Rosary is not part of my faith's tradition and it's not something that feels comfortable to me to introduce into my personal spirituality.  (I really know very little about Rosaries beyond they are an aid to repetitive prayer.  My most simple explanation is that each bead is like a place marker to keep you focused on the part of the prayer you are reciting.)  And I'm not really sure what to do with the cross as, again, that's not part of my faith. Mormons choose to focus on the ministry of the risen Christ and the promises of eternal life and see the cross as an instrument of death... a common method of executing criminals in that part of human history.  It's not pretty and pleasant to consider, and it shouldn't be... but could it possibly be more painful to bear than what He experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane when taking our sins caused blood to pour from his body like sweat?

So... if you had these beads, what would you do with them?

Gratitude in God’s Timing

August 3, 2014

I wanted to call this Remaining Grateful When it Seems God is Taking FOREVER to Answer a Prayer… but that title was way too long to fit the space this blog format gives me to work with.  This is my “take-away” message from Church today because so much of the focus was on gratitude and that all prayers are answered.  We may not get the answer we want or get it when we want it but it is answered.

For the first time in a long while I felt an answer to my prayer one night last week.  Derek had a rough day filled with disappointments at work and during his bitter complaints there was a little piece of me that started to doubt his success in this career choice.  I had some moments of fear that he would do something stupid, like walk off the job, and send us plunging right back into the same financial crisis we are trying so desperately to escape.  I don’t have any more help cards to pull out so that is especially frightening and stressful to me.  When I spilled out my fears in prayer, I heard a distinct “Don’t worry… I got this!” in response.

That doesn’t sound like a very Godly way to word it, does it?  But that is what I heard.  And after a long dry spell where it felt like the heavens were closed to me, I’m not sure if I felt more excited about the offered relief or grateful just to get an answer!

Photo credit: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com
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At Church a woman I’ve become rather friendly with mentioned finally receiving an answer to a prayer 24 years later.   You could see the amazement and gratitude in her countenance when she spoke about this long sought answer.  What a testament to patience!!  I think I probably would have given up, assumed the answer was no and forgotten all about it.  I know it probably doesn’t seem like nearly such a terrible wait in the reckoning of God’s time but it’s mind boggling to me.  And I sincerely hope it doesn’t take 24 years to see my prayer’s answer come to fruition!!

One of our lesson topics today was prayer or, more specifically, about listening for His answer when we pray and how sometimes our minds are so full of clutter and background noise that we miss it.  Maybe at some later time, we realize that it was there but “in the now” getting an answer is not part of our conscious recognition either because our own pride won’t accept an answer different than what we seek or that we’ve failed to calm our minds enough to hear His still small voice.  Somewhere in scripture it talks about the voice of God being in the stillness following whatever tumultuous event is giving us grief.  He doesn’t speak to us in big grand ways that get the attention of the whole world but rather in a soft quiet voice only we can hear… if we are ready to listen.  That darned “if” clause gets us sometimes…

Our Relief Society President was teaching the lesson.  Two months ago her husband had a stroke.  He made it to the hospital and treatment was started in under an hour and, amazingly, he’s retained much of his functioning.  He walks and talks so well that people who didn’t know what had happened probably wouldn’t guess.  If that’s not amazing enough in and of itself… they both count his stroke as a blessing because of what it’s taught them about prayer and paying attention to see God’s answer applied to their lives.  She gave some specific examples of how she’s doing that.  She spoke of things like turning off the radio chatter when she’s driving to work and using the time to talk to God and just be quiet and listen.  Sometimes she plays a CD of hymns as soft background to her reverie.   And it’s astounding what she’s learned about herself, her husband, how to meet their family’s needs, how to answer hard questions that are posed to her as Relief Society President, how to better meet the demands of her job and a long list of other things just by purposely making her drive a quiet time of seeking heavenly inspiration.

I’ve been trying to carve out some quiet in my day several times a week.  Actually, it's a line item on my To Do List though, admittedly, it’s something that gets sacrificed when I fall behind on other chores and has mostly been turning into a nap when I do take the time.  I’ve been telling myself that the napping is just part of getting my strength and stamina back so hopefully one day it can be what’s intended because I really want it to be my time to turn to the scriptures and pray… and listen.

In God We Trust

"In God We Trust" are four words that can evoke an ardent and heated political debate in some circles.  If it does in yours, let's just check that self-righteous indignation here and now.  Stop forming a rebuttal until you know what I'm actually saying.  This is not a political post nearly so much as a personal questioning.   It's not about the de-Christianization (or Christianization, depending on what side of that argument you are on) of America nearly so much as the de-Christianization of my own self.  And you worry worts concerned that damnation is the eternal fate of my soul... you can just put that on hold, too.

Image courtesy of  Pinterest.com

We see the phrase "In God We Trust" many times in our life.   It's on our money, implicit in our pledge of allegiance, part of jokes (aka In God we trust... all others pay cash), in much of our patriotic music, and is the very essence of our personal professions of faith.  The words are easy to say, gliding off the tongue in honeyed tones so familiar that we never even stop to consider what we are saying.

Of course we trust God.  Who even has to think about something so basic?

But do we really?

It's easy to happily trust while things are going along smoothly and just as we like.  Our intelligence and free agency make us want to be in control and have life's events happen according to our timeline and imaginings.  Then when hard times come, we ask "why me?"  We lash out wondering why we've fallen out of favor with God.  We alienate ourselves from what we perceive as His presence.

Does this sound like a relationship of trust?  Would you trust another person who treated you that way?

So... maybe a more relevant question is "Does God trust us?"

Can He?  Should He?  Have we given Him any reason to believe what we say when the words have become so glib?  Do our actions authentically match our stated beliefs?

If I'm honest about answering those questions myself, I have to admit that I stand convicted.  At times, some recent, me and God have had some issues and I've turned away for space to sort out my feelings by myself.  But I've always trusted that He is big enough to handle it when I get angry with Him and weep and wail and gnash my teeth in frustration.

Lately there's a prayer that's been forming in the back of my mind.  And yes, I am blunt when I talk to God.  I don't really believe in pulling punches.  And really, what would be the point of holding back on a being who's supposed to be all knowing?

Dear God,

Hey... it's me, again.  You do remember I'm not Jonah, right?  I'm starting to think You got confused about who was who because I don't think my faith is strong enough to survive any more time in this proverbial 'fish belly.'  Kudos to him on that all faith and patience, but those are not the gifts You gave me.  If there's some important lesson that I was supposed to learn will You just consider me too dumb to cipher it out on my own and tell me?  I want out of the misery You've seen fit to let me thus far endure.  I'm not ashamed to tell You I don't do misery and destitution well and I don't understand why You're leaving me dangling here.  Pretty often it feels like Your answer to my prayer is You flipping me the bird.  And that makes me kind of angry.  Ok, not kind of...  It makes me angry.  It makes me very angry with You.

We both know, don't we God, that You're going to do whatever it is that gives You pleasure whenever You decide the time is right?  My only choice is whether to fight it or accept it - to embrace Your will or turn my back and walk away.  You do know how tempting it is to walk away in anger right now, don't You?  I really need that little glimpse into Your plans to pull me back from the edge and help me believe that my needs are really going to be met in Your hands.  I need to know that You're not going to leave me doubting forever.  I want that little pat on the head to remind me that You're there, that You really do care and that I am important in Your eternal plan.  I hope that's not too much to ask for...

God, I want to trust You again.  And I want You to trust me.  And maybe I'm being a spoiled brat about it but I can't do that while my heart is raging and miserable and filled with fear for the future.  Please show me Your way out!

Amen