The Fry Cutter Incident

Since Derek and I are in the midst of splitting but are still sharing the house this may seem a little like sour pickles to be posting stuff about him.  Oh well... I can live with that.  Besides I want to preserve these memories as much as a reminder of how miserable he made me sometimes so I don't ever make this mistake again as for the comic relief that a life stranger than fiction can sometimes provide.

A couple of nights ago we had an incident involving a french fry cutter.

You know I'm a die-hard Idahoan in my heart and nothing but fresh cut potatoes make real french fries... those over-processed garbage things from the freezer aisle are not real.  They are plastic fries.  And we do not eat plastic at my house.

Mine isn't this fancy but it works the same way.  It's
just a $10 "As Seen on TV" jobbie from Walmart.
The cutter pictured is from Rawsie.

A little before bedtime Derek poked his head in my office and asked me where the fry cutter was.  I went down and pulled it out of the cupboard because that was just easier than trying to explain...  Never thinking that he needed remedial fry cutting lessons, I went upstairs and did my thing and got ready for bed.

Around 2 am some loud banging from the kitchen woke me up.  Followed by a little cussing...  While I was still trying to decide if I should get up and see what he was doing or let it go, he came and poked his head in my door and said "I broke the fry cutter."

I was incredulous and asked "how?"  I don't know if he answered or not since even in my half asleep state I was thinking "how the H. E. Double-Toothpicks does one break a fry cutter?" but I followed him back down to the kitchen to see what mess he'd left for me this time.

Sure enough.  Remedial lessons should have been given.

The insanely obvious take it out of the box, set it on the counter, lift the top, put your potato inside and push the top down... I guess was somewhat less than obvious to him.  He took the whole thing apart.  Even parts I didn't know came apart!  And then jammed the top down over the base an inch farther than it should go and without the blade inside.  And it was stuck together.  I mean stuck!!

I tried pulling it apart and wedging a knife between the parts to get some leverage to wiggle them apart.  A table knife, not a sharp one.  I may be reckless but I'm not stupid!  Before I could get any movement, he took it away from me.  Just grabbed it out of my hands... same as the time he grabbed the new breaker thingy out of my hands and electrocuted himself on the breaker box because he took too much of it apart and touched an exposed wire.

Heaven forbid that I might know just the tiniest bit about what I'm doing...

Anyway, he still couldn't get it apart.  And he started wailing about the lack of assembly instructions on the side of the box.  I was miffed because he grabbed it out of my hands.  And he was angry and frustrated because he wanted fries and couldn't make them.

Yes, I said "couldn't."

Go ahead.  Roll your eyes.  I did as I said I'd just cut them with a knife and figure out the cutter in the morning.  So he hands me a big butcher knife.  The biggest one out of the drawer.  Like I'm gonna clean up potatoes and slice them into french fries with a gargantuan knife meant to hack a side of beef into all those different cuts?  Right...

I asked for a smaller knife.  And he handed me the next one down.  Again, too big for the job.  But... I took it and did what I needed to.  Nicked my thumb and it bled all over the kitchen.  I wrapped a clean dishcloth around it and cut his fries and then went and put a bandaid on my owie and crawled back in bed.

No thank you was proffered.  No inquiry if the cut was bad enough to need attention.  Nothing.  How rude, right?

The next morning it took me less than 10 minutes to work the fry cutter pieces apart.  It really didn't need all the cussing and pounding and wailing in the night.  So, yes I am going to refer to him as "dumber than a fry cutter" from here on out.  Maybe only in my imagination, but still!

Clover Club Potato Chips

Everybody knows that potato chips have earned a spot on that list of foods we should all avoid because they are so very unhealthy for us but we all eat them anyway.

How can you not?  They just taste so good!

As a kid growing up in Southeast Idaho, Clover Club was the brand of potato chips that we bought for an occasional snack.  Besides being a wonderful salty snack, I loved the story about how the company came to be that was printed on the back of every bag alongside little caricatures of the founders, Hod and Clover Sanders.  The company was located in Kaysville, Utah so it was practically a tale of a local family done good.

Photo credit:  blessthismessplease.com

And I lived in the land of potatoes.  I'd be willing to put money down on a bet some of the potatoes grown around Shelley ended up in Clover Club bags.  It's important to support the local economy and so we did buy potato chips from time to time.

The story from the chip bag, courtesy of The Deseret News, goes like this:  "We live in a quiet little country town of Kaysville, Utah, about 17 miles north of Salt Lake City. Almost all the folks here have some cooking specialty like homemade chili sauce, apple pie and chokecherry jelly. Clover always made the best potato chips in town - or in the world, for that matter..."  The D-News article says they took this off a 1973 vintage bag that sold for 37 cents so it was a little more recent than the one pictured.  But still, it is really indicative of the small town rural Idaho experience I had as a child.  The women in town did have specialty foods they made.  They proudly brought their signature dish to every community event and heaven help anyone who tried to challenge them by making the same dish!

I'm not exactly sure why it's been on my mind lately but this old brand of chips has made it to the forefront of my consciousness a few times in recent days so that's what I'm sharing tonight.  I have two very specific memories involving these chips.

One is my Grandma Clarke's Potato Chip Casserole.  Yes, you read that right.  She made a casserole from potato chips.  Ok, so it was really a tuna casserole with crushed potato chips stirred in AND as a topping.  Don't judge - to my childish taste buds it was the food of the gods!  Sadly, it's a recipe she didn't leave written record of though I did come up with a pretty reasonable facsimile a few years ago.  Some night when I'm home alone I'll have to think to make it again.  Me and the boys would love it, Derek not so much.  So I'll just make it on a night that he's working and avoid the yucky faces at the thought of actually eating tuna.

GRANDMA'S POTATO CHIP CASSEROLE

1 can cream of chicken soup
1/2 cup milk
1 can water-packed tuna, drained
1 1/4 cups frozen peas
4 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
1/2 - 3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cups coarsely crushed plain potato chips (divided into 1 cup and 1/2 cup measures)

Gently mix all but the last 1/2 cup potato chips in a casserole dish.  Bake at 375F for 20-25 minutes.  Top with remaining chips and bake 5 minutes longer until they start to brown slightly.


My other memory is probably even a little more on the weird side.  I had a bit of a food obsession when I was a kid... anyway that's the simplest way to explain that I can think of.  Not that I was allowed to over-indulge in it but there was something that I was just focused on and constantly craving.  And that was Clover Club's Green Goddess Chip Dip.  It came in a small foil packet from a display hooked right to the front of the rack holding all the chips and you just mixed it into a carton of sour cream.

The whole rest of my life, the passing thought of this chip dip would make me involuntarily start to drool even though I was never able to replicate the taste with any other product I tried.  And I tried just about everything that carried the moniker 'Green Goddess' on its label.  Most of it was gross and disgusting, getting its color and flavor from green bell peppers...  And then, in a moment of what I like to flatter myself was sheer genius, I got the right combination of ingredients in my chip dip and sent my taste buds soaring with happiness and delight!

GREEN GODDESS CHIP DIP

To a 16 oz container of regular sour cream add 1/2 packet of Ranch Dressing/Dip Mix (I used Hidden Valley brand) and 3 Tbl of Bertolli Pesto (you could use your own just as well).  It's best if you can let it sit for the flavors to marry for several hours in your refrigerator.  Stir well before serving with plain crinkle cut potato chips.

Yup, all those years I wondered what made it so good...  It was basil.  Basil is the green in green goddess and the mystery flavor that I couldn't identify as a child.

Seriously!  Just the addition of the pesto ratchets the dip's taste up about 20 notches on the flavor scale!!

And I already LOVED ranch!

Dreaming of My Future Kitchen

Hi!  I'm Kathy... and I watch way too many cooking shows.  For some people it's soap operas, some can't get enough reality tv but me, I watch HGTV and Food Network.  And then I plan way too many projects to do and dishes to cook.

Photo credit: housewifeglamour.com

Tonight I'm watching a re-run of the Chopped Grand Championship interspersed with commercials for a new show called Worst Cooks In America.  Interesting to ponder on the differing dynamics of the best and the worst that a kitchen can offer.  Myself, I fall somewhere in between.  I can hold my own in a home kitchen.  Which is not to say that I don't have the occasional epic failure...  But I don't have any professional training.  Sometimes I really wish that I did.  I'd love, for example, the chance to get some mad knife skills and be able to do that almost magical technique to chop chop chop my vegetables.  You know the one where you curl your fingers under and guide the knife with your middle knuckles of one hand and chop very quickly by almost rocking the knife over the food with the other.

Photo credit:  http://www.foodsaver.com/product.aspx?pid=8308

While I'd love to master these classical skills, I also love things that offer shortcuts and the ability to extend quality fresh ingredients.  For example, one of my favorite tools is a FoodSaver.  I use it to package single chicken breasts, sometimes in a marinade, for the freezer or to break down a bulk, and therefore more economical, package of hamburger into single meal proportions.  This is the model from their website that looks and works most like mine.  You can purchase them directly there or from a retail store of your choice.  Now and then one of the frugal shopping/couponing guru websites will showcase a special offer where you can save a substantial amount of money on both the machine and on the plastic packaging material.

Another thing I insist on for my kitchen (and has become a home improvement project in past kitchens) is a  gas range.  If I had to use an electric cooktop or one of those horrid sealed surface units, I'd quit cooking!  Happily Derek agreed to this condition for our upcoming house hunting adventure...

Photo credit:  Foodchannel.com

Just like garden ripened tomatoes are the only ones truly worth eating...  Great ingredients are the key to making the most of these tools and skills and I'm willing to go to great lengths for some of them!

I grew up in Southeast Idaho, right in the heart of potato country.  And no other potato compares to an Idaho Russett!  My personal preference is the Burbank variety, but Norkotah seems to be an easier variety to find.  And oddly, I'm finding better potatoes here in Georgia than I ever did in Utah which is a neighboring state or what my friends out West report they find in their local supermarkets.  They've lamented several times that what they find is scrawny and scabby and just plain sad while I have my choice of big, smooth-skinned, Grade A bakers.

Photo credit: coxshoney.com

Another kitchen staple I special order is clover honey from my hometown in Idaho.  I've bought other clover honey and I give it a lukewarm okay to sweeten tea or for cooking but it's just not the same.  For my taste buds to be truly happy when spreading it on toast I have to have creamed honey from Cox's Honey Farms.  (For some fascinating more general information about honey, click here!)

Once we get settled in, I want to explore purchasing foodstuffs from both Bountiful Baskets and Zaycon Foods.  I've heard wonderful reviews about the quality of their products and the prices are attractive.

What are some special things you use in your kitchen?