Showing posts with label Random Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Humor. Show all posts

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Elizabeth

My next door neighbor, Elizabeth, was the first real friend I made after moving to Georgia.  It struck hard and almost unbelievable when she was diagnosed with cancer this past summer.  And then when treatment went poorly and she came home with hospice care, we all thought there would be a few months to visit and let her get things in order.  While her death is not a shock, that it happened now is very much a surprise.

I know that she was in pain.  And I'm happy that she's not suffering through the special kind of hell that lung diseases so often offer to those unfortunate enough to contract one.  She's in a better place, happy and whole and reunited with her loved ones that had gone before.  It's the people left behind that are sad and lonely and walking around a little lost without her presence.  Although... her funeral is going down as the most memorable one I've ever attended.

Ever!

Elizabeth and Danny, her husband, were never followers of any particular religious doctrine so as it became clear that planning this funeral was imminently needful, they asked the Chaplain from her hospice provider to lead a simple graveside service.  I'm guessing the format was Baptist with a few prayers, a few scripture selections and some short remarks about his impressions from visiting with her at the beginning of her time with hospice.

In north Georgia it's been raining for most of the past two weeks.  The red clay soil is completely saturated.  Crossing any low spots in the lawn are like walking on a soggy sponge.  And it's been raining all day today.  Mostly just an annoying drizzle, but with periods of what you'd have to call real rain.  What I'm trying to get across is the ground is wet.  And soft.  Very wet and very soft.

So picture this:  A smallish group of mourners huddled under a couple of those blue tents that funeral homes set up to protect people from the elements during those graveside moments.  The rolling countryside around the cemetery is lush and green.  The only background noise is the evening song of a few birds gathered in the nearby trees.  It's beautiful and peaceful and about as close to heaven as I can imagine.

The Chaplain is reading a passage from the beginning of Psalm 103...  He's half way through verse 4. (Please click the link and read that far before continuing on here.)  Almost on cue, one side of the grave collapses and the coffin slides partly off that scaffolding-like thing that holds it elevated over the vault and.. pit.

Almost like she's telling him "I ain't goin' yet, dammit!" it's headed right for the Chaplain.  His eyes were about as wide as saucers and there's a collective gasp of disbelief!  And the men from the grave digging company and from the funeral home leap in and are belly stretched over the astro-turf covered mound of dirt trying to keep it from sliding all the way off while the Chaplain concludes much more quickly than I think he'd planned.  And we are all sent to wait safely by the hearse while the workers got the grave walls reinforced and everything back in order before the coffin could be lowered.

Not something a grieving family needs, or wants, to see.  Terrible.  Stressful.  Surreal.  Those would all be good words for the moment.  But pretty soon the giggles set in... and we were all crying for a different reason!  Her daughter, Kari, finally choked out "I knew Momma would just have to get the last word in!!"

After that kind of ending, Elizabeth, who could ever forget you?

Rest in peace, my sweet friend... you were kind, generous, and funny in life.  And also in death!  I love you and I will miss you so very much!!

Elizabeth Karen Bryant Robinson
June 30, 1964 - October 1, 2015

At Kennestone Hospital shortly after being diagnosed with multiple
cancers in June 2015.  You didn't like that Kari snapped your picture... but I'm
sure glad she did!  This is how I'm going to remember you!!

Monday, November 25, 2013

Second Look

Another blogger I follow uses "Because old posts like to be loved" as a tag line on days when he re-shares an old blog post.  He's a pro, with a HUGE following, so he actually gets paid to blog.  And sometimes he says something that hits a nerve and a post goes viral and then a year-ish later when the hoopla has all died down and been forgot he re-shares it with that tag line.  Well, I'm not so famous... but I did have cause this morning to sift back through my personal Facebook timeline and found some things I've shared in the past that made me react all over again and so, I decided they deserve a second shot at being seen.  Here's my first installment of Second Look.

Photo from the Facebook page for KSL.com
The original story from KSL TV in Salt Lake City has dropped off their website now but in mid-May 2013 when it was fresh news I posted...

She must have wanted to quit pretty darned bad!! "Think you've heard of every way possible to quit smoking? Etta Mae Lopez came up with a new one: slap a cop and go to jail, where smoking isn't allowed." At least the officer has a sense of humor about the whole weird situation... his new Irish nickname: Nick O'Derm!


Click to read the entire article from
commonsensehome.com
And filed in the "Ewww... gross!" category was this surprisingly interesting tidbit.  Even to me, it was interesting.  I am plenty smart enough and have the aptitude for it, but I wouldn't ever consider a medical career.  A lot of people assume it's the big traumatic stuff that's so off-putting.  Not to me!  Smooshed up organs, broken bones hanging out, blood and guts everywhere... doesn't phase me in the least.  But ask me to deal with pee, poop and puke and I am offended beyond belief!  I can hardly stand dealing with my own, let alone someone else's.  So, who gets stuck with the job I find disgusting above all things disgusting most of the time... cleaning up puppy  'accidents' in the house?  Yup, me.  And every single time it makes me want to run away from home and never come back!  I am THAT grossed out by it.



(Warning: important message... language gets a bit coarse)

"As long as our culture revolves around us versus them, conspicuous consumption, individual and corporate selfishness, and zero accountability, we will disintegrate as a nation. As long as people blame others for problems instead of being the solution, as long as neighbors remain strangers, and as long as the haves and the have-nots remain distanced, we will continue to decline and divide until someone else comes and takes away what little will be left." -- Justin Larson


The "best one raised eyebrow suspicious look at the computer while I silently sound out something silly" meme I've seen all year.  And we wonder why people say English is among the hardest languages to learn?


And... there you have it.
A few things I thought merited a Second Look.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Random-nimity

When I was a baby, not even big enough to remember her ever working on it, my Grandma Clarke made me a true patchwork quilt.  Still buried in one of the dozen boxes to be unpacked when I finally get my 'woman cave,' it's made of randomly shaped and sized pieces of silky fabric that came mostly from her dresses or the scraps of material left when she made a new one.  I can sort of remember her in a couple of the dresses and there are old black and white photos where you can match the fabric pattern up for a few more, but most of them totally escape my memory.

I was thinking about that quilt the other day and how the random acts of a life can be a lot like one of those 'crazy patch' quilts.

And that's what today is about...

Random things.

Not so much that they're too insignificant to be the topic of an entire blog post, or even Facebook update, just that the post never came together and materialized in a form I wanted to share.  Mostly it's little things...  Things like how luck works.

It's no secret that we are pretty desperately poor and really scraping to make bills each month.  That's part of what irritated me, though I kept silent about it, when Derek bought the occasional lottery ticket.  Except... last night he got a winning ticket!  One worth more than the $5 he put into it.  A LOT more!!

That's right!  $500, baby!!!

That makes the mortgage for November a whole lot easier!

And I put up the fridge magnets (FINALLY!) that I kept during last year's move.  My friend's son's pictures have been in these magnetic frames for... well, I don't really remember when I put them in the frames but it's been a long time.  Those little boys have long been grown men by now.

Nathan, the older one, used to call me whenever he could sneak it past mom's watchful eye.  It was a long distance call - they lived in Wyoming then and I still lived in Idaho.  He was polite and thoughtful, almost like an old-time suitor.  He never failed to inquire about my mom's health, the weather, work, our small black poodle...  For a little man, Nathan sure could carry on the grown up conversation!  And it just tickled me pink and gave me quite the thrill that out of all the people in the world, he'd choose to call me.

I wonder if he remembers?

For about an hour this afternoon we all made a dog pile on the bed and watched football.  I think it was the Florida/Maryland game... but I'm not enough of a fan to really follow super close so I could be wrong.  For me watching a sports event is more of a social thing than actually being a fan of the team or sport.  I understand what's happening enough to enjoy the game, but not enough to seek it out on my own.

All of which has absolutely nothing to do with anything...

Pardon the puppy porn...
In the dog pile, Gizmo kept turning over and skooching around to find the most comfortable spot.  He ended up stretched along my side on his back with my arms around his butt.  (Insert bad joke about him being such a little cuddle butt.)  What I was noticing, though, is the skin of his tummy region where it's less covered by fur.  It's both dark brown and pale pink in blotches much like the Indian Paint Ponies made famous in B-grade western movies.  And so so soft and warm!

And, she says with an evil grin, ticklish!!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

We're All A Little Bit Irish


With St. Patrick's Day just a week away, I was reminded of a saying I heard a few years ago - Everybody's Irish on St. Paddy's Day!  The shamrocks and leprechauns that decorate every storefront are constant reminders of that Irish heritage that everyone claims whether they have Irish ancestry or not.

My grandpa Clarke, I'm told, is one who always claimed an Irish heritage.  And I've heard stories that he drank enough beer to live up to the stereotype.  But as I could piece bits of genealogy together all I could find were English names... and one stray Jamaican that was his grandfather, James Gorman.  Seeking information on him, I found Jamaica and Ireland have unique connection that goes back many hundreds of years.  Why did I never learn this in history classes?  At some point in my research I copied and pasted a document of the history from a website detailing Jamaican genealogy records and historical documents.  I've posted a copy here for those who will take the time to read it, and I think you'll be as surprised as I was that many Irish were imported to Jamaica by the English as slaves.  I haven't found proof that he, or more likely his father or grandfather, were Irish slaves but it seems to be the best hypothesis I've found to explain how I have a Jamaican ancestor... and an Irish one.

And it gives me a real connection to these wonderful little Irish blessings rather than just a smile when they start to pop up in March each year.  In our current pop-culture, we so often associate the Irish with luck.  Luck o' the Irish, we say... But historically they were not a lucky people.  They saw much violence, hatred, hardship and ethnic discrimination.   And when I think about that it's even more amazing that they still have the fortitude to be happy and to wish such beautiful things for others.

Maybe that's the real reason to celebrate St. Patrick's Day!

Resilience in the face of adversity is a gift.  One I need to focus on developing more in my own life.  So... this coming week as I celebrate the wearing o' the green and wish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day what I hope you're hearing is this Irish blessing:

May you always be blessed with...
Walls for the wind, a roof for the rain,
A warm cup of tea by the fire,
Laughter to cheer you, those you love near you,
And all that your heart might desire.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

25 Things

I'm seeing this more and more on the blogs I regularly follow... Not sure if I really like it or not.  But I thought I'd give it a try today because I have some little observations and project results to share.  You know stuff that just isn't big enough to make a whole post.  So here goes!

1.  When I get my finances stabilized again, I want to get a puppy and kitten.  Have them grow up together so they are friends.  When I had cats before a couple of friends said they didn't visit much because they were allergic... my girls have been gone for nearly 3 years now and they don't visit any more often.  So bag that.

2.  An idea I found on Pinterest was to regrow the tops of your green onions in a glass of water.  That hasn't been working out so well for me.  Yeah, the tops regrow.  Slowly.  See how stubby they still are after 2 weeks?  And the outer skin of the onion bulb keeps molding and I have to clean it off and peel back another layer.  For next winter I'm going to put some Egyptian Walking Onions from the garden into a flowerpot and keep myself in green onions for salads and baked potatoes that way.

3.  I also want to plant ginger in a pot on the windowsill.

4.  I made salad dressing with an unusual ingredient today.  Of course, I didn't measure anything!  I mixed apple cider vinegar, teriyaki sauce, soy sauce, honey, a bit of hot water (to get the last of the honey out) and a couple of packets of the dry hot apple cider drink mix together.  Yummy over a mix of spring greens, bow tie pasta, slices of grilled boneless pork chop, chopped cucumber, raisins and grated jack cheese.

5.  I really dislike raisins!  But those 72-hour kits I'm renewing had some in them and being poor and jobless I couldn't just throw them out.

6.  Another Pinterest find was a tip to clean the burners on my gas range.  This one worked!!!  Just put 2-3 Tbl of Ammonia into a large ziplok freezer bag then put the burner in being careful to not poke any holes in the plastic.  Leave it sit for 24 hours then wash.  It really gets the gunky little burned on bits that are insanely hard to scrub off.

7.  I really really LOVE having a gas stove!

8.  Right about now I'm wondering I have 25 things to say or if I should rename the post 10 Things...

9.  You know how your kitchen faucet can get to running really slow?  It's because there is sand, or teensy little rocks, caught behind the screen.  It comes off to be cleaned.  I knew this, but until a few days ago I didn't know how easy it was to remove that part and clean it out.  A full stream of water is such a wonderful thing!

10.  There are a couple of projects that I'm looking for the final pieces to complete.  Hoping I can find a good piece of cardboard and some dry garden dirt this week.  Intrigued?

11.  I am in love with the floor plan of my house.  I am also in love with the idea of having a mud room.  These loves seemed in total opposition to one another until I started to rethink how I'm using the closet in my back hall (not really the back, but behind the kitchen).  Now I'm in love with the idea that I CAN have them both.  Just gotta make it happen.

12.  Mr. Hansen was right...  I do actually use algebra in real life.  Maybe I should have taken higher math classes?

13.  Tulips, Iris, Hyacinth and Star of Bethlehem are sprouting in the flowerbeds.  Spring, and the beginning of yard work, is only about 6 weeks away.  Yay!!

14.  In a couple of weeks I'm going to host a chocolate tasting party.  It's a somewhat new concept from Dove Chocolate and one of my neighbors has signed up as a consultant.  If Dove accommodates an online party would you be interested?

15.  I really want to get some chickens but I'm kind of intimidated by the idea of taking care of them.  Especially in the wintertime.

16.  One of the yard projects I hope to complete this summer is a firepit along side the [half-built] patio that's attached to the garage.

17.  Another is a greenhouse attached to the other side of the garage.  Saved some old windows just for this purpose.

18.  If I'd built that greenhouse last year, I'd probably be out there today planting the seeds for tomato and pepper starts.

19.  I wish I had some strawberry jam in the freezer.  That would inspire to make bread!

20.  I've been stuck on #20 for quite some time... I think that means I need to get off the computer and go clean house and do some things so I have more to blog about.

21.  Dr. Pepper is my favorite pop... soda... ummm... non-alcoholic carbonated beverage.  Haven't had one for at least a month and I'm really wanting some.  Today might just be the day!

22.  Some of my friends question if I'm really a girl.. I HATE shoe shopping.  Seriously!  I'd almost rather go to the dentist than the shoe store.

23.  Making this list is driving me crazy.  It's way harder than writing a regular post so don't look for this to be a regular feature.

24.  I finished acquiring and packaging the food to renew my 72-hour kit yesterday.  Yay!!  One task ticked off the goals list for this year!

25.  La Frontera makes the yummiest Fries smothered with Chile Verde, grated cheese and finely chopped onion.  Went for a treat while out on today's errands - got my fix for awhile again now.  Yummy!!!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Make it Worth the Wait

I've said it many times before in many different forums and I'm saying it again.  This is my favorite song!

Sometimes I wonder why it resonates so much for me.  And I think it's because of the old-fashioned idea that love was meant to last forever... that commitment means sticking it out even when things get rough.


The things that, sadly, appear to be missing from so many of today's relationships.

My favorite line is: "When I give my heart, it will be completely.  Or... I'll never give my heart."

That sums up my feelings so well.  It's better to be alone than to lower my standards and expectations.  I only ever want one great love.  And I haven't found him yet.  So Mister Mister if you're out there reading this, know that you'd better be darned well worth the wait to find you!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Random Thought Tuesday

Yesterday I made a big pot of 13-bean soup.  Just the recipe printed on the side of the bag.  But I soaked them overnight in the crockpot set on low and then changed the water.  Must be the trick because it's not making me unbearably... gassy.  There's just no polite way to say it - beans make you fart.  Probably why they have their own song.  Come on, sing it with me!

Beans, beans the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So... let's have beans for every meal!!

While I'm sitting here eating lunch, I'm making a set of Recovery Disks for the computer.  It's one of those tasks you should do when you get the computer.  I think it's even in the setup instructions when you very first turn it on.  But, yeah, I skipped that step.  If I had followed the instructions and made them with the laptop, I might have been able to recover it when the hard-drive crashed a couple of months back.  Hmmm... the desktop is the same brand and has the same version of Windows.  Wonder if I could use these disks on the lappy?

Because the Recovery Disks are taking so long, my mind is wandering.  And I keep singing the bean song to myself.  It reminds me of my Aunt Helen.  She is the source of my learning about the bean song.  I remember her dancing around their kitchen singing it after a dinner of chili and crackers and chocolate cake.  Still a perfect meal if you ask me!  Of all my parents' brothers and sisters and their spouses, she was the one who just didn't hold back.  Today we might be more politically correct and say she didn't have a good self-filter.  G-rated in the presence of children or not, if she thought it, Aunt Helen said it!  I'm sure more than once I came home from her house with those uncomfortable "What does this mean?" kind of questions for my mom and dad.

Another thing I remember about being in Aunt Helen's home is the kitschy little decorator plates on the dining room wall.  Some of them were plain white plates with a silhouette of a person's face painted in black for each member of their family.  Mixed with them were little plates with funny pictures or sayings printed on them.  Most of those were the early post-WW II dime store knicknacks from Japan.  My grandmother had some, too.  And I have 3 of hers.  I sorted through the box where they've been stored for years a few days ago and found them.  I hung them in my kitchen in a little grouping in the odd space between the countertop backsplash and the bottom of the cupboards.

They make me smile!


Yes, I do know (very much so) the wall STILL needs to be painted.  When I do that I'll fix the little strings that are attached to the plates so they hang nicer, although the odd strings and angles kind of go with their sarcastic messages.  I think there might be more of them packed away.  I hope so!  Since the photo is a bit on the small side....

The largest one says:
THANK GOD FOR DIRTY DISHES
THEY HAVE A TALE TO TELL
WHILE OTHER FOLKS GO HUNGRY
WE'RE EATING VERY WELL

The little square one with the old-fashioned stove:
IN THIS KITCHEN THERE IS ONE FINGER IN THE POT... MINE!

And the one with the toddlers checking out what's in their pants:
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE...

And you wonder why I'm the way I am?